Psychology student explains “biggest problem” for overthinkers

A psychology student has gone viral after revealing one of many largest triggers for overthinkers, and has spoken to Newsweek about the very best methods of overcoming this drawback.

While Josh Fraser-Young, 21, recurrently shares psychology ideas and recommendation on TikTok (@joshfraseryoung), it was a publish about overthinkers that has captured the eye of greater than 17 million folks.

In the post, he defined that “the biggest problem” for overthinkers is getting “too attached to someone” and being depending on their temper. Becoming that hooked up to a different individual can imply that even the slightest change of their conduct will impact each folks within the relationship.

Some would possibly see that because the signal of a robust connection, however Fraser-Young, from Christchurch, New Zealand, informed Newsweek that it may be a difficulty for individuals who overthink conditions as a result of it may possibly “dictate their mood” and even cause them to sabotage relationships.

He stated: “The issue is that overthinking is inherently inward focused as it allows people to feel in control, which is a common need as people like to feel a sense of autonomy. For this reason, overthinkers often find themselves trying to control the uncontrollable, such as their partner’s mood.

“Overthinkers typically have an anxious attachment model. So, when their companion does not reply how they need or anticipate them to, they see this as an issue inside themselves. For instance, if their companion is having a nasty day and reveals indicators of agitation, an overthinker would possibly concern they did one thing incorrect, or fear that their companion will depart them.”

Fraser-Young describes an overthinker as someone who has to think through every possibly scenario, outcome, and emotion that may arise. This can be hereditary for some people, while others may develop it “as a protection mechanism” following a chaotic upbringing.

However, he insists that this negative spiral can be combatted and overcome, usually by detaching oneself.

Fraser-Young continued: “Once you understand you’re full as you’re, you do not want any exterior validation to meet you. The finest option to apply detachment is to prioritize self-care, and spend time doing stuff you get pleasure from.

“Cognitive behavioral therapy can also help. Essentially, when you catch yourself overthinking, write down those thoughts and then dispute them by writing the opposite down to break overthinking patterns.”

What Does an Expert Think?

Following the web response to Fraser-Young’s TikTok video, Newsweek spoke to scientific psychologist and writer Monica Vermani, who makes a speciality of stress, temper, and anxiousness.

She agrees that overthinkers tend to be highly anxious and their inside ache can spill over onto the folks round them. She explains that they typically search validation, however when others do not interact of their extreme planning or evaluation, overthinkers can grow to be “misunderstood or dismissed.”

Vermani informed Newsweek: “People who overthink can be pessimistic in their mood and demeanor. Just as overthinkers cause other people to stress, they can become affected by other people’s moods, anxieties, and differing opinions. In the presence of other people who are overthinking or anxious, an overthinker can pick up on and feed off this energy.”

She recommends participating in remedy to work on the methods and abilities to beat this mindset, in addition to growing constructive ideas to maneuver ahead. Overthinkers will normally doubt and blame themselves, but when they’ll be taught to really feel extra assured and reframe their doubts, they are often calmer and extra comfortable.

Since gaining greater than 17 million views and a pair of.5 million likes on TikTok, many individuals have commented and reached out to the college student to share their very own experiences.

“The social media reaction has been quite amazing. It is something a lot of people seem to resonate with,” he informed Newsweek. “A lot of people relate to it as it is something so many of us seem to experience.

“It is a quite common phenomenon, and it is not all damaging as there are some positives to overthinking as effectively—which is why we do it. Every particular person is totally different, so we won’t generalize. However, it appears to be a typical theme amongst overthinkers.”

Overcoming this won’t occur in a single day, however Fraser-Young says that folks will likely be “much less prone to falling sufferer” to their destructive thoughts once they can start to enjoy their own company. Feeling sufficient in oneself is a sign of real progress.

The viral TikTok post has already amassed over 6,600 comments at the time of writing, as one person asked: “OK however what is the resolution for this?”

Another TikTok user responded: “Also it is such as you’re extra invested of their life as a substitute of your individual.”

While another comment reads: “This shouldn’t be OK, why is that this so correct?”

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.