Nobody believed me once I stated it, and I’ve been saying it for years. I stated, “India is the only country in the world where a businessman — no matter how wealthy — can request the government to turn any airport into an international airport for 10 days, and the government will say, ‘Yes, boss!’” And not simply say it, however do it. Today the entire world is aware of this to be true.
Industrialist buddies who laughed at me are actually messaging me to ask the right way to go about it. I inform them to simply learn the papers. In truth, as I had myself reported aeons in the past when working for the Guruvayur Guardian, it was the UPA authorities that framed the enabling laws.
People with working reminiscences would possibly keep in mind the notorious winter a decade or so in the past, when 1000’s of farmers and employees from all around the nation gathered on the Singhu border to protest towards the federal government’s anti-billionaire legal guidelines — legal guidelines similar to MGNREGA, Food Security Act, and the Right to Education Act. After months of stand-off, the federal government had no selection however to bow down earlier than the working lessons’ utter solidarity with the nation’s tiniest and most endangered minority: its billionaires. To appease the protesters, and as a concrete gesture to guarantee them that they too cherished oligarchs as a lot as another authorities, it lastly handed the Flexi-Airports to Please the Masters of the Universe Act, 2013 (FAPMUA).
Instant makeover
Like with different good initiatives similar to UAPA and GST, though the FAPMUA was hurriedly introduced in by the Congress, it did valuable little with it. It wasn’t till the appearance of Amrit Kaal that the laws would take off, which it lastly did on the Jamnagar airport lately. Anyway, for these , that is the way it works.
Let’s say you’re Mr. Dhandapani, CMD of Dhandapani Industries, and you’re planning your son’s marriage ceremony celebrations at a pristine nature reserve close to Tawang. Your visitor listing contains worldwide luminaries like Harvey Weinstein, Tim Jong Un, first cousin of Kim Jong Un, Jane Epstein, sister of Jeffrey Epstein, and Harry Pot, great-grandson of Pol Pot. All busy individuals who transfer round with excessive safety in their very own luxurious jets. You can’t bundle all of them into one bus like some assorted Bollywood Kapoors. To complicate issues, Tawang solely has a defence airport, and it’s a delicate one, given the proximity to the China border. So what do you do?
It’s easy. You decide up the telephone and dial your contact within the regime — the man who obtained you out of bother each time you bought a name from the ED or IT division, the man who advised you what number of crores price of electoral bonds you wanted to purchase. Let’s say his title is Bhai. You inform Bhai your necessities.
“Hello Bhai, Dhandapani this side. I’m hearing GDP is growing at 8.4% and you guys are returning with 500-plus! Congratulations!”
“Thank you, Mr. Dhandapani. How can we help your dhanda today?”
“Listen, my son is getting married at Godzi-La in Arunachal. The nearest landing strip is at the military airport in Tawang. I’ve got global celebs flying down in their private jets and helicopters. Can you convert Tawang into an international airport for, say, 10 days?”
This column is a satirical tackle life and society.
“With pleasure, Mr. Dhandapani. Billionaires like you have done so much for India’s inclusive growth, it’s the least we can do.”
“You are very kind, Bhai. We could not have done it without your blessings.”
“You mean the loan write-offs, tax breaks, and just-in-time policy changes?”
“Yes, but also the public lands and resources you sold to us at throwaway prices.”
“You’re welcome, Mr. Dhandapani. If there’s nothing else, I’ll ask my minions to get cracking on setting up a Customs, Immigration and Quarantine (CIQ) facility at Tawang.”
“Excellent. Is it also possible to, say, upgrade the toilets?”
“Absolutely, sir. Whether inside toilet or outside, ease of doing business is always top priority. We’ll thoroughly upgrade and also install latest NFT paintings of Picasso and Monet in all the Ladies and Gents.”
“One last thing, Bhai, if you won’t take it the wrong way.”
“Anything for you, Mr. Dhandapani.”
“Mrs. Dhandapani — she is the one designing the whole event — has this crazy idea. She wants our exclusive high-profile guests to enjoy the privilege of being served by exclusive high-profile waiters. Can you depute…?”
“Of course! What are ministers for, if not to serve people?”
“It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Bhai.”
“Ditto, Mr. Dhandapani. It’s a pleasure serving national interest with you.”
The creator of this satire, is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.
sampath.g@thehindu.co.in