CNN
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Loni James boarded a flight from Washington state to London final yr with a duffel bag, a day pack and an unconventional itinerary.
It was late March, and her plan was easy: To journey the world and go on a date with an area in each nation she visited.
Days after she arrived in London, she swiped proper on Tinder and met a French and British twin citizen who cherished touring. Pints of beer with him at a pub close to the Tower Bridge changed into a five-hour dinner date and lengthy conversations about earlier journeys.
She by no means noticed the man once more. But so started her journey – one with no particular itinerary in thoughts. Over the past yr, James says she’s used Tinder, Hinge and Bumble to go on 34 first dates in 19 countries, a collection of romantic rituals filled with intrigue, surprises and cultural firsts.
There was the 13-hour date in Cairo throughout the holy month of Ramadan – her first date with a Muslim – with a person who charmed her together with his beaming smile and “Friends” TV present quotes on his Tinder profile. Her subsequent date was with one other Egyptian man in Alexandria who blurted out that he was engaged and spent the date craving aloud for a past love.
“He clearly needed someone to listen and I was a safe space,” James says. “I’ve had incredibly intimate and vulnerable conversations with people. There’s something special that happens when people know they’re never going to see you again.”
There was a date in the Italian metropolis of Verona with an enthralling classical musician who squired her round on a scooter and gave her a nighttime tour of the metropolis’s many historic spots.
There was additionally a disastrous date in Turkey with a person who turned indignant when she rejected his bodily advances and dropped her off at his paragliding store, promising to return. He by no means did. After ready for hours in a storm, Lane spent the night time on a bench in the retailer.
Her most up-to-date date was with a South African man in Cape Town who whipped out a deck of playing cards over dinner and proceeded to do card tips at the desk.
But James, 40, says that even the unhealthy dates have been memorable – and that each one of them have taught her one thing.
“In the past, I looked at dating as a pass or fail. If I went out with someone on a date and it didn’t end in a goodnight kiss, or it didn’t end in the second date, I considered it a failure,” she says. “I don’t consider that anymore. I now notice the worth of going on a date and being so grateful that somebody opened up and gave you their time … shared their story with you.
“I’ve learned that romance comes in many forms,” she provides. “It doesn’t have to be expensive and there isn’t a certain formula that makes romance happen. For me, it’s when there’s connection and intentionality. It is the person who listens to you, who seeks to make you feel special, who wants to bring a smile to your face with a thoughtful gesture and the person who wants to know what you think and seeks to truly get to know you.”
James’ determination to go on a solo journey was borne out of tragedy.
She watched her mom battle early onset Alzheimer’s from age 48 to her loss of life a yr and a half in the past at 63. It spurred James to grab the second and launch her adventures.
“My parents had done everything right according to the American culture. They got married. They raised three kids … They had good jobs … they paid off the house,” she says. “They had big plans for their retirement, but my mom didn’t make it to retirement.”
James, who shouldn’t be married and doesn’t have children, began saving for her journey two years earlier than her mom’s loss of life in October 2021. She moved from Seattle to Spokane, Washington, rented a less expensive house and obtained a roommate. She later bought all her issues and moved in along with her mother and father to spend time along with her sick mom throughout her last days.
She didn’t get an opportunity to share her journey plans along with her mom earlier than she died, however remembers a key piece of recommendation her mom gave her years in the past earlier than Alzheimer’s stole her capability to speak.
“I told her about a boy I liked, and she told me to make sure he loved travel as much as I did,” she says. “That was really impactful, that in the midst of her disease, she knew how important that was for me … when looking for a partner.”
James’ worldwide journey has coincided with a rise in solo journey, spurred partly by the pandemic.
Google searches in the US last month for “solo travel” had been greater than thrice larger than in March 2020 in the United States.
“The uncertainty of being around others during a pandemic made travelers wary about traveling in groups,” says Janice Waugh, founder and writer of Solo Traveler. “Many have continued to travel solo after discovering the benefits of solo travel such as flexibility, freedom, and personal growth.”
While it’s commonplace for solo vacationers to search out romance and friendship, it’s uncommon to this point somebody in each nation you go to, Waugh says.
But James has thrown herself into the expertise and embraced the good and the unhealthy. She stays in hostels and Airbnbs or with buddies and even buddies of buddies, all the time leaving room for spontaneity.
“People will just be at the hostel asking around, ‘Who wants to go here? Who’s free for seven days? Do you want to go do this?’ And you just end up with strangers in a car,” she says.
“I realized that long-term travel is so different than just going on vacation … for a week or two. I really wanted to lean into the culture, and I wanted to have a very different experience by being on the road for a long time.”
James says she is up entrance along with her dates about her purpose to this point somebody in every nation she visits. She guarantees them anonymity, and aside from sharing a couple of photographs, declined to offer their contacts to CNN.
Maybe her most memorable expertise was the 13-hour date final yr with the Muslim man in Cairo. They shared conversations on all the things from on-line courting to Muslim tradition and organized marriages. Because it was throughout Ramadan, they shared iftar – the meal eaten by fasting Muslims proper after sundown.
“I’ve never had a man put so much effort in a date,” she says of their day collectively, which additionally included visits to museums and a monastery, a experience in a rickshaw and a nighttime folk-dance present in the desert. “There was so much food, it was so colorful. I tried all these new things. Egyptian food is amazing.”
She’s since had dates in Jordan, Cyprus, Turkey, Switzerland, France, Italy, Slovenia, Norway, Iceland, the Azores islands of Portugal, Morocco, Tunisia, Mauritania, Senegal, Gambia, Namibia and South Africa.
She posts about her experiences on a blog and on Facebook and Instagram with the hashtag #ADateinEveryCountry, the place quite a few ladies provide feedback and recommendation.
As a girl touring alone, James says she is cautious about security. She shares her location with buddies, doesn’t drink a lot alcohol, make certain her telephone is charged and makes use of a ride-share app so she will exit a date on her personal.
She communicates with males through the courting apps and doesn’t give out her telephone quantity till after she has met a date in individual. She additionally by no means permits a date to select her up from the place she’s staying.
Waugh, the professional on solo touring, encourages ladies to fulfill dates in public locations and watch out about who they method to ask for instructions.
“I meet people all the time and I do so by taking the first step. I think that it is more likely that an inappropriate person will choose me than I will choose them,” Waugh says. “I choose whom I talk to, where I go, or where I sit. If I need to ask for directions, my first choice is to approach a family and then perhaps a couple.”
James has not but felt unsafe on a date, however she has had some irritating experiences. Men have stood her up twice: in Paphos, Cyprus, and in Cape Town, South Africa.
Then there was the man in Zurich who picked her up in a Lotus, took her to dinner at an costly restaurant regardless of her objections and ordered her meals for her, together with a $84 glass of Chablis. Then he requested to separate the invoice, blowing her weekly funds.
“I know that it sounds glamorous, and some of my dates have been glamorous,” James says. “I’ve gone paragliding (in Fethiye, Turkey) on dates. I’ve also gone fishing in the Arctic Circle on dates. But I’ve been on some really weird ones, too.”
James hasn’t returned to the US since she left in the spring of 2022. She plans a number of extra months of touring in Africa earlier than heading to Asia, Australia and South America.
She hopes to show her international journey right into a guide that’s each entertaining and academic.
“Maybe someone’s not going to pick up a book about Egypt or Namibia or Tunisia. But maybe they would be intrigued by my dating story, and if they happen to learn these other things about this country during that dating story, then I consider that a huge bonus,” she says.
“I realize Egypt maybe isn’t on everybody’s bucket list, maybe Morocco isn’t, even Namibia. When I write about these places, I hope it builds a curiosity … I hope the stories make people laugh, dream and cross oceans to meet interesting people all over.”
Until then, she’ll hold touring – for at the least the subsequent yr. There’s a lot extra to see, a lot extra to do.
James nonetheless hasn’t discovered a accomplice. She says she’s open to having a boyfriend who lives in one other nation. But if it doesn’t occur, she’s relishing virtually each second of her journey.
“I love having the different races and religions and music and style and knowledge and background,” she says. “There’s just so much to be learned when you surround yourself with people from all different areas (of the world).”
Meeting up with males in totally different countries has shifted her perspective on courting, she says.
As a youthful girl, she noticed courting as a method to an finish: to discover a husband. But now, she says, she considers it a privilege to listen to somebody’s story and get to know them with out the burden of expectations.
“I’ve learned that the challenges of modern dating exist everywhere,” she says. “People are still learning how to tackle online dating, and people still get ghosted. Being stood up sucks, even when it happens on a beautiful island. Your insecurities don’t just disappear when you cross an ocean.”
James says she’s glad she didn’t postpone touring till she had a accomplice, like she’d executed in the past. The past yr, she says, has taught her loads about herself.
“I’ve learned that I’m the best version of myself when I’m traveling – the most open and the most curious,” she says. “I’m fascinated by the way that different countries approach the same things. I’m constantly reminded that there’s not one right way to do things.”