When I noticed the trailer for The Idea of You, starring Anne Hathaway as a 40-year-old single mother who falls in love with a musician (okay, pop star, however we’ll take what we are able to get) months in the past, I immediately felt seen: “If I’m not the target audience for this who is, amirite?” I muttered to, in all probability, the canine.
As a 39-year-old single mother, who has been on a musician kick for years, and has, once in a while (okay, most of the time) dated youthful males, there was nearly no means this film wouldn’t get not less than one thing proper. I hoped. Portrayals of single mothers hardly ever hit residence. Usually, they depict us as unhappy, struggling, overworked, and simply hoping to fulfill some medium-income, medium-attractive 40-something grown-up frat boy to quiet down with. You know, to save lots of us from the utter brutality of our lives, or one thing.
This week, I streamed the brand new flick as quickly because it dropped on Amazon Prime, and some minutes in, I knew that this portrayal was striving to supply one thing totally different. In one of the primary scenes, Hathaway’s character, Solène, celebrates her fortieth amongst associates, they usually ask her how she feels in regards to the milestone birthday. Her response is about being grateful for the place she is in her life. And why wouldn’t she be? Though she has sophisticated emotions in regards to the finish of her marriage, she’s additionally thriving in her profession as an artwork seller. She’s completed with a subpar marriage. She’s principally performed the work of elevating her baby, who’s a junior in highschool, and who she calls her “favorite person.” In some ways, her life is simply starting, and even when she by no means meets a accomplice, she says she’s effective with that.
While Solène’s associates give her the side-eye (as a result of who might imagine a girl might really feel content material on her personal?), I felt that perspective. In truth, it’s the precise dialog I’ve begun having with myself often. While loneliness does creep in, particularly when my children are with their father and I’m flipping via channels, like we see Solène doing a number of occasions all through the movie, I decelerate and take a second to understand the place I’m. I can’t assist however understand that I’m immensely fortunate. Divorce may not be a fascinating circumstance. Yet, typically, it happens to me that I’m knee-deep in one of the best half of my life, even with no accomplice. Perhaps even as a result of I haven’t got a accomplice.
Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine
Amazon MGM Studios
Over and over in the movie, we see Solène select to be alone. She’s not a sufferer of her circumstances. I significantly beloved the half when she’s launched to an array of boring, snoozefest males her personal age, and she or he all however yawns her means via taking a look at footage of their cats. One remains to be in love together with his ex-wife. The others simply aren’t for her. She doesn’t need a lackluster love. If it’s not extraordinary, she would not want it. Chyeah. I’m proper there along with her.
Extraordinary would possibly take the shape of an lovable 24-year-old feminist pop star as a result of, Hollywood. But the purpose nonetheless stands: single mothers aren’t simply emotionally depleted, unhappy, and looking for stability at any price. They’re gritty and complicated and, positive, typically lonely. They’re additionally fairly often in the prime of their lives, prepared to say no to males who don’t problem or encourage them. The film hints that being alone is extra than simply loneliness. And man, if that perspective is just not overdue.
If you’re pondering that I’ve gotten away from the truth that the movie is a love story, you’re proper—it’s one. Solène meets pop star Hayes Campbell by likelihood when she takes her daughter to Coachella after her ex characteristically bails (what single mom has not been there?), they usually start a romantic journey that’s, at occasions, missing. I needed extra of what drew them to 1 one other in order that their love felt plausible. Still, I bought over that minor flaw shortly after I realized that the movie isn’t about falling in love with a cute 24-year-old feminist pop star (although that’s completely one thing I’d unquestionably do and nobody could be stunned). It’s falling in love with being in the motive force’s seat of your individual life. It’s about falling in love with single motherhood.
If that seems like a wildly unrealistic slant, let me guarantee you, it’s not unusual. It’s one thing I really feel, and I do know different girls really feel, too. It’s a secret stored far too effectively, and if it got here out, it might finish an excellent quantity of marriages. The complete establishment could be overthrown. But psst psst. It could be price it.
Solo, I’m dedicated to self-growth. I pour vitality into myself and my children. That’s in all probability why I train seven days every week with out fail and make colourful dinners extra usually than I did at another level in my life. I’m endlessly engaged on my residence, maybe as a result of it is all mine. (As is the mortgage, however that’s okay.) I do work I like and smile for no purpose.
Being alone implies that there isn’t any one to talk to, or take out the trash, or help me after I self-discipline the children, sure. But there isn’t any different grownup whose slack I would like to choose up, no arguments available. It means I’m much less careworn, extra secure. My vitality doesn’t go locations the place it isn’t deserved—that goes for each males who maybe as soon as, I wouldn’t have settled for, in addition to friendships I noticed didn’t deserve my vitality. As a single guardian, and an individual who has been my very own for practically seven years now, I’ve performed heavy emotional lifting. I not have the persistence for inauthenticity.
That outlook, nevertheless, is a present. It makes me stronger, extra hardworking, and linked to what I would like. As my daughter as soon as put it, after the top of a brutal breakup, now, a number of years in the past: “You’re a lot more capable on your own.” And it’s true. Maybe it is as a result of there’s nobody to rely upon however myself. Or perhaps, single motherhood is definitely a lesson in each freedom and dedication. It’s not good, however there’s extra pleasure and extra ardour at this level in my life than ever earlier than.
Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine
Amazon MGM Studios
Society likes to color single mothers as single as a result of nobody desires them, or as a result of their struggles are too actual, their worries too crushing, their financial institution accounts too dismal. The reality is that single mothers are fairly often single as a result of they haven’t settled. While it would not really feel like a alternative every single day (primarily as a result of it is so clearly the fitting determination), principally, it does, and it feels extra liberating than lonely. Frankly, it’s refreshing to see a single mother not selecting display. And in actual life, I want society admired girls and moms who select solitude over settling.
That experiment in self-discovery, renewed sense of marvel—not essentially about love, however about life—turns into the lens the viewers sees Solène via. It’s an exquisite and energizing transition that occurs to so many single mothers. After they grieve and seize ahold of their psychological well being, they start to comprehend that they don’t seem to be simply beginning over. Maybe, they’re simply beginning. There is a lot hope in single motherhood, and nobody ever talks about that.
It’s not with out heartbreak. Mothers’ decisions aren’t usually simple, and the movie shows that, too. Single motherhood isn’t all motels and personal jets—nobody thought it was. But it’s additionally not all payments, and crying, and looking for companionship, both. It’s the sensation that perhaps you by no means had earlier than a day in your life till you bought right here: What if I’m not performed rising, however I’m performed looking out?