Growing up in the 70s, I remember sitting at our kitchen table, crying over a B+ on a science test. My mom, a teacher, was both concerned and disappointed. “You’re supposed to be gifted,” she said. My dad barely glanced up from his newspaper, simply suggesting I study harder. If you grew up in this era, this scene might resonate with you. Our parents wanted to toughen us up, but their methods often led to emotional scars we still deal with today.
Many of us are now in our forties, grappling with people-pleasing tendencies and perfectionism. After discussing this with friends, it’s clear we all share similar experiences from our formative years. Let’s dive into the seven beliefs our parents held that, while intended to build character, often led to anxiety instead.
1) Emotions Were Weaknesses
“Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Sound familiar? In my house, showing feelings was discouraged. When I didn’t get a role in a school play, my dad simply said, “Life’s full of disappointments.” This taught us to suppress our emotions, which only led to unhealthy outlets later. Many struggle to express vulnerability, believing it’s a sign of weakness. It took me years to understand that it’s okay to feel disappointed.
2) Praise Was Off-Limits
Going through old report cards recently, I saw straight A’s and glowing comments. But I don’t recall my parents ever saying they were proud of me. They thought that praise would make me complacent. This lack of validation made many of us uneasy with compliments and fueled a constant need for approval.
3) Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard
As kids, we were often told to stay quiet during adult conversations. Asking questions was usually met with “Because I said so.” We learned that speaking up was disrespectful. As adults, many still find it tough to voice their thoughts, missing out on opportunities to share valuable ideas.
4) Competition Was Key
From grades to sports, everything felt like a competition. Losing was shameful. This mindset led many to either burn out from constant competition or simply give up. We struggle with collaboration, believing that someone else’s success diminishes our worth, limiting our joy in hobbies or interests.
5) Physical Punishment Taught Respect
Many 70s parents believed discipline meant spanking or other physical punishments. They thought this instilled respect for authority, but it often taught us that violence is an acceptable response to frustration. Many still feel anxious around raised voices or disapproval.
6) Independence Meant Figuring It Out Alone
The phrase “figure it out yourself” was ingrained in us. Facing challenges alone was viewed as a mark of independence. While this made us self-sufficient, it also made us reluctant to seek help, often leading to burnout in our careers or personal lives.
7) Your Best Was Never Enough
Got an A? Why not an A+? This constant pressure to outperform created adults who struggle to feel satisfied with their achievements. We often chase success, hoping that one day it will finally feel enough.
Recognizing these patterns isn’t about blaming our parents. They did their best with the tools they had. The 70s featured widely accepted beliefs about parenting that aren’t as relevant today. But we can acknowledge their impact while striving to change.
Today, we have a unique opportunity to heal and grow. We can learn to feel our emotions without shame, accept praise graciously, and ask for help when needed. The character traits our parents wanted to instill—strength, capability, and resilience—can still be part of who we are, but we can redefine them.
The journey to self-understanding and healing is ongoing. It’s about balancing strength with vulnerability, independence with community, and ambition with contentment. We have the chance to break these cycles for ourselves and the next generation, creating a healthier legacy.
If you’re curious about parental influences today, consider studies showing that open communication and frequent praise can build resilience in children. The right guidance can create emotionally intelligent adults prepared to thrive.
