9 Common Traits Among Adults Who Faced Childhood Criticism

We all remember being scolded as kids. Those childhood criticisms can linger into adulthood, shaping how we see ourselves and the world. From my experience in finance and conversations with coaching clients, I’ve noticed nine common patterns among adults who grew up under scrutiny.

So, as you read, think about which of these resonate with you and what small change you might try this week.

1. Overactive Inner Critic
That nagging voice in your head when you make a mistake? It often mirrors the adults who criticized you as a child. Since you learned to expect criticism, your brain starts administering it before anyone else can. Try this: keep a note by your workspace that says, “Be kind to myself.” When that inner critic pipes up, pause and replace the harsh words with something gentler.

2. Perfectionism
If you faced disapproval for mistakes, you might have turned perfectionism into a shield. While this makes you reliable, it can also lead to burnout as you tweak projects endlessly. A good tip: send out a “version 1.0” of your work instead of waiting for it to be perfect.

3. Fear of Failure
If slip-ups brought lectures as a child, risks as an adult can feel daunting. You might avoid new experiences, fearing judgment. Reflect on what you would attempt if criticism didn’t matter. Take a small step towards that goal.

4. People-Pleasing
If approval felt scarce, you might find yourself saying “yes” too often. Setting boundaries can feel like building walls, but they’re really just guides for how you want to be treated. Try stating a simple boundary today, like needing time to think before agreeing to something.

5. Distrust of Compliments
When compliments feel like rare gems, you might brush them off or question their sincerity. Next time someone praises you, respond with a genuine “Thank you” and let the compliment sink in. With practice, positive feedback can become easier to accept.

6. Sensitivity to Others’ Moods
Growing up in a critical environment can make you attuned to the emotions of those around you. While this empathy is valuable, it can also lead to emotional overload. Set an alarm to check in with yourself: Am I feeling this or absorbing someone else’s feelings?

7. Overthinking Conversations
Replaying past interactions in your head is common if you were once worried about your words being misconstrued. To ease this, visualize clicking “Archive” on those mental conversations to help your mind let them go.

8. Need for Constant Improvement
According to psychologist Carol Dweck, striving for growth is great—until it’s fueled by the fear of never being “enough.” Instead of chasing another achievement, focus on self-care. Maybe read a novel for fun instead of a self-help book this month.

9. Lack of Self-Compassion
Researcher Kristin Neff emphasizes that love is a powerful motivator. Unfortunately, those who faced criticism often struggle to show themselves kindness. Try treating yourself the way you would a friend. If you make a mistake, reassure yourself that it’s okay.

If you find these traits familiar, remember they’re learned behaviors that can change over time. Start by noticing when they appear and make small, kind adjustments.

Small shifts can lead to significant changes. If this feels overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist or joining a supportive community. Growth based on compassion—as opposed to criticism—allows us to move from merely surviving our past to actively shaping our future.

For deeper insights into self-compassion, check out Kristin Neff’s research.

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