We all carry lessons from our parents about how to raise kids. But what happens when those old “common-sense” rules clash with what we know today about child development?
Talking with Gen Z parents, a common theme emerges: some of the wisdom from baby boomers isn’t holding up anymore. While boomers did their best with the information they had, new research shows that several parenting styles can actually harm children. Here are seven outdated parenting beliefs and better alternatives to foster healthier growth.
1. Spare the rod, spoil the child
Many of us grew up with the idea that spanking was a form of discipline. However, studies now show that physical punishment can lead to increased aggression in children. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it’s not effective for teaching responsibility. Instead, today’s parents focus on using age-appropriate consequences and constructive discussions about behavior, which help kids learn self-regulation.
2. Children should be seen and not heard
Growing up, many of us were taught to stay quiet around adults. However, suppressing kids’ voices can damage their sense of self. Developmental psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel emphasizes that children thrive when they feel safe to express themselves. Encouraging kids to share their thoughts can help them develop healthy boundaries and strong self-esteem.
3. Boys don’t cry
Telling boys to “toughen up” can be harmful. Research by psychologist Niobe Way has shown that suppressing vulnerability can lead to feelings of loneliness and increase risks of depression. On the flip side, encouraging all children to express their emotions fosters emotional intelligence and resilience.
4. Finish everything on your plate
Many parents used to insist that kids finish every bite, which can disrupt their natural hunger cues. Experts recommend that parents control what and when food is served, while kids should decide how much to eat. This helps children develop a healthy relationship with food.
5. Because I said so
Using authoritarian rules might seem easier, but it can stifle a child’s critical thinking. Today’s parents often explain the reasons behind rules. A simple “Sleep helps your brain grow; lights out at eight” can teach kids to understand and respect boundaries, rather than just obey.
6. Privacy is a privilege, not a right
In the past, parents often felt entitled to check diaries or invade personal spaces. This approach can damage trust. Respecting privacy, like knocking before entering a room, encourages children to share their thoughts willingly, leading to better communication.
7. Success equals straight A’s and a respected job
Many baby boomers prioritized traditional career paths. However, Gen Z views success differently. They value personal fulfillment and well-being over grades. This shift reflects a changing job market and a growing focus on mental health. Today’s parents encourage passions and adaptability, preparing children for a dynamic future.
Final thoughts
If you grew up with these beliefs, remember that this isn’t a critique of your parents. They did their best with what they knew at the time. As we learn more, it’s essential to adapt our methods. Small changes we make today can help future generations grow with resilience and confidence, setting them on a path to thrive.
By embracing these modern approaches to parenting, we can create a healthier environment for our kids to flourish.
