Here’s something important to consider: many challenges older adults face are not about physical or mental decline. Instead, they often stem from behaviors that unintentionally seem to signal incompetence to younger people.
Research from the World Health Organization highlights that children as young as four start absorbing age stereotypes. By the time we reach our 60s and 70s, these messages have been ingrained for decades. Sometimes, this can lead us to act in ways that reinforce these stereotypes, even if we don’t mean to.
Let’s look at some common behaviors and their impacts.
1. Excessive Apologizing
Have you heard an older adult say, “Sorry for bothering you” or “I know you’re busy”? This kind of apologetic language doesn’t come off as polite to younger generations; it often signals uncertainty. When older individuals apologize for asking questions or taking up space, it can suggest to others that they don’t believe their needs matter.
Studies show that this behavior can decrease performance in tasks and lead to feelings of depression. By apologizing frequently, we teach others to perceive us as less confident.
2. Claims of Being “Too Old to Learn”
When an older adult says, “I’m too old to learn that,” younger people interpret it as cognitive decline. In reality, research on neuroplasticity indicates that people can learn throughout their lives. It’s not about age; it’s about mindset. There are plenty of older adults mastering new skills, whether it’s using smartphones or learning new languages.
3. Asking for Help with Simple Tasks
Requesting help with tasks one can handle creates an impression of dependence. It’s okay to ask for help when genuinely needed, but frequently outsourcing simple tasks can reinforce the idea that one is not capable. For instance, an older person might ask a younger relative to check the weather on a smartphone—something they can easily do themselves. This sends the message that they’re less capable than they are.
4. Self-Deprecating Comments About Aging
Statements like “Don’t get old, it’s terrible” or “My brain doesn’t work like it used to” can reinforce negative stereotypes about aging. Research shows that such negative self-talk affects cognitive performance. Younger people begin to associate aging with decline, even though memory lapses are common at any age.
5. Avoidance of New Technology
Some older adults avoid new technology entirely, creating an impression that they’ve given up. A Stanford study found that negative stereotypes about older adults and tech create a cycle of low confidence and avoidance. However, resistance often signals to younger generations that the older individual isn’t willing to engage with today’s world.
6. Accepting Patronizing Language
When older adults accept what is called “elderspeak,” like being called “sweetie” or “honey,” they inadvertently reinforce this disrespectful dynamic. Research shows that this kind of communication undermines dignity and can even hinder understanding. By not pushing back, older adults accept being treated like children, which sends a message about their capabilities.
7. Leading with Health Complaints
Focusing on health problems can lead to being viewed primarily as someone with limitations. While health issues are significant, when they dominate conversations, younger people may see the older adult as a collection of problems rather than an entire person with experiences and ideas.
8. Deferring to Younger Opinions
Comments like “You’re the expert” or “Whatever you think is best” can undermine the rich knowledge older adults possess. When they defer to younger people’s judgments based solely on age, it conveys that their experience matters less. The reality is that valuable insights come from experience, and it’s essential to assert this in conversations.
Final Thoughts
It’s crucial to recognize that these behaviors are often a mix of cultural conditioning and individual programming. Being aware of these patterns can empower older adults to change how they interact with the world.
Every time someone catches themselves apologizing or allowing patronizing treatment to go unchallenged, they face a choice. These small behaviors have broader impacts on societal views of aging. When older adults assert their value, engage in new learning, and defy age stereotypes, they not only reshape their own narrative but also pave the way for future generations.
For more insights on ageism, check out the World Health Organization’s resources here.
