Have you ever felt small in the presence of loved ones? I experienced this recently at a family barbecue. My uncle asked, “Still doing that writing thing?” His comment stung a bit. He was concerned but didn’t realize how those words affected me.
If you grew up in a family that prized traditional jobs, you might relate. Many working-class parents worked hard for a stable paycheck. They believe they are offering helpful advice when they share their thoughts, but often, it just feels judging and misunderstood.
Here are a few common scenarios where their concern can come off the wrong way and how we can respond with kindness.
1. Career Choices
When I left a comfortable job to pursue writing, some family members couldn’t understand. They saw my choice as risky. For them, job security meant survival. They worried about me, but it felt like criticism. Understanding their viewpoint helps me cope with their concerns.
2. Money and Spending
Comments about my spending habits often highlight differences in values. My parents remember better times when every penny mattered. To them, my purchases might seem extravagant. Yet, I prioritize health and experiences over hoarding cash. Learning about their background helps me see their comments as compassion, not judgments.
3. Education and Debt
Many parents pushed us to go to college. But unlike their times, education today comes with heavy debt. They may not understand why we struggle with loans, viewing it as a personal failure. In reality, the economic landscape has changed dramatically. Knowing this helps bridge generational gaps in understanding.
4. Family and Relationships
Some relatives wonder why I’m not married or starting a family yet. They reflect on their own timelines, forgetting that the world has shifted. Their concerns often stem from love but can feel like pressure. Recognizing this allows me to respond calmly rather than defensively.
5. Mental Health and Self-Care
Older generations may dismiss mental health needs as indulgent. They dealt with their problems without therapy. Therefore, their advice might feel invalidating. They mean well, but it’s crucial to advocate for our needs and acknowledge that times have changed.
6. Technology and Work
Many parents can’t comprehend remote work environments. When they see us working from home, it may seem less valid than their physically demanding jobs. They equate hard work with physical labor. Clarifying the evolution of work helps them appreciate our experiences better.
7. Lifestyle Choices
When we make unconventional choices—like veganism or choosing to rent instead of buy—they might see it as a phase. This reflects their upbringing where a specific path was expected. Explaining our choices might help them understand our values rather than dismiss them.
In these exchanges, remember that fear often drives their comments. They want us to be safe and secure in a changing world. Engaging with empathy isn’t easy, but it can help both sides feel heard. It’s about navigating a new path while honoring their experiences. Recognizing that their worries stem from love can transform how we respond, opening lines of communication instead of closing them off.
