DEAR ABBY: I’ve been struggling with the loss of my fiancé, who took his own life ten months ago. I feel a heavy weight of guilt because I moved out of our home due to his behavior, even though I wasn’t directly responsible for his death. I’m seeing a counselor, but I feel stuck. What can I do to cope better? — SPIRALING IN FLORIDA
DEAR SPIRALING: I’m truly sorry for your loss. When someone dies by suicide, those left behind often deal with shock and guilt. You mentioned his attitude, which could suggest he might have been struggling with deeper issues like depression or life challenges. If his behavior was harmful to you, moving out was a brave choice, not something to feel guilty about.
It’s great that you’re talking to a counselor. Many find comfort in sharing their feelings with professionals. Groups like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offer support for survivors, helping them connect with others who understand their pain. You can explore their resources at afsp.org.
Research shows that grief can take longer for some, especially when compounded by feelings of responsibility. It’s vital to give yourself time and compassion.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my partner, “Gabe,” for seven years. We bought a home and are raising his three grandsons together. I contribute equally to the mortgage and bills, but it feels overwhelming since there are four of them and one of me. I constantly remind the boys to conserve energy, especially with our high electric bills in Arizona. It’s tough since Gabe earns more than I do, yet he only pays what he thinks is fair when we discuss expenses. This causes monthly arguments. How can I handle this better? — PAYING MORE THAN ENOUGH
DEAR PAYING: Your situation is indeed tricky. Given Gabe’s higher income, it would have been ideal to discuss a fair arrangement early in your living together. It may be beneficial to seek financial counseling to help establish clearer guidelines for sharing expenses. This could provide a sense of fairness and prevent future disputes.
Additionally, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions about money and household responsibilities. Addressing these financial stressors is crucial, as they can strain your relationship over time.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can reach Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.
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Lifestyle,death,family,money,suicide
