Ever notice how conversations can get tense when different generations discuss various topics? Just the other day at a farmers’ market, a boomer vendor and a young customer clashed over payment apps. What began as a simple question about Venmo quickly escalated into a larger argument about values and work ethics.
As someone who moves between these generations and observes human behavior, I’ve seen this dynamic everywhere. When older individuals feel criticized, they often react defensively. Understanding these reactions might just help us communicate better across the age gap.
Psychological studies show that feeling judged can trigger insecurities, especially for boomers who often define themselves through their achievements. When younger people question their values, it can feel like a personal attack.
Here are some common defensive behaviors I’ve noticed:
Dismissing Concerns: Older folks often downplay younger generations’ issues, claiming they’re too sensitive. When young people talk about work-life balance or mental health, the response is often, “We didn’t need therapy.” This response serves as a shield against acknowledging the emotional struggles that come with modern life.
Highlighting Past Hardships: Boomers often share stories of their struggles, saying, “When I was your age…” This creates a hierarchy of pain, suggesting that their challenges were greater than those faced by younger generations. But this kind of comparison often misses the unique difficulties each generation faces.
Using Experience as Armor: Older people may rely heavily on their years of experience to dismiss new ideas or opinions. This can shut down conversations rather than encourage them. My own mother struggles to accept my shift from finance to writing, often referring to traditional careers as the gold standard.
Idealizing the Past: Many boomers romanticize “the good old days,” claiming things were simpler. This nostalgia becomes a defense mechanism, making it easier to ignore current issues.
Deflecting Criticism: When younger generations raise systemic problems like climate change, boomers might pivot the conversation to personal behaviors, such as social media use. This deflection can shift the focus onto younger flaws instead of addressing the original issue.
Emphasizing Financial Success: Boomers may boast about owning homes or having saved for retirement when confronted with younger values. While financial security is crucial, overemphasizing it can overshadow other vital life aspects.
Playing the “Respect Your Elders” Card: This tactic appeals to a universal standard while shutting down discussion. Real respect involves listening to one another, not just deferring to age.
Minimizing Systemic Advantages: Older generations often highlight their hardships while downplaying the advantages younger people might have. This can lead to misunderstandings about the different contexts in which both groups have operated.
Understanding these defensive behaviors reveals that they stem from fear. Fear of being judged, of feeling irrelevant, or of having life choices questioned. Recognizing this can help us communicate with more empathy.
For instance, the vendor at the market eventually admitted he felt scared of falling behind in technology. The young customer offered to help him set up digital payments. Sometimes, it’s just about seeing the person behind the defense—a moment of connection can dissolve barriers.
Both generations have valuable insights to share. If we approach these conversations with openness and understanding, we might find common ground in our shared experiences.
