Growing up, I watched my grandmother shy away from compliments about her cooking. No matter how elaborate her meals were, she would brush them off with a simple, “Oh, it’s just something I threw together.” I thought it was just modesty until I found myself doing the same after a long financial analysis project.
Years later, as I navigated my parents’ later years—helping my dad after his heart attack and supporting my mom after her surgery—I noticed a troubling trend. Younger people often say things to older adults that seem respectful but can diminish their dignity.
Here are some common phrases that should be avoided when speaking to those over 60:
“You’re so cute!”
Using “cute” when an older person shares a story can be infantilizing. They’re not performing; they’re sharing their lives. A friend once commented on my neighbor learning Spanish, saying, “That’s so cute!” The older woman felt belittled, even though she was pursuing a new skill.“You’re good with technology for your age.”
This statement assumes older adults can’t handle tech. My mother has been coding as a hobby for years, yet many are surprised when she mentions it. Many older individuals were at the forefront of technology, adapting alongside it.“Let me do that for you.”
While help is often appreciated, it’s essential to ask first. I learned this the hard way when my mom snapped at me for trying to carry her groceries. Asking, “Would you like some help?” respects their independence.“You probably don’t remember, but…”
This phrase implies forgetfulness due to age. My father, at 70, recalls vivid details from decades ago, yet people often doubt his memory.“You’re so young at heart.”
This phrase suggests that getting older means losing excitement or joy. A book I recently read emphasized that embracing our full humanity is essential at any age. Older adults don’t need to be labeled as “young at heart” to have vitality.“Back in your day…”
This creates a divide, making it sound like older adults are out of touch. My mother often retorts, “My day is today, thank you very much,” reminding everyone that she engages with current culture and events.“Do you need me to explain that?”
Offering unsolicited explanations assumes ignorance. My parents, who have advanced degrees, often know more about complex topics than younger relatives realize.“You must be so proud of your grandchildren.”
Grandchildren can be a joy, but reducing someone’s identity to that role ignores their individual achievements. My parents are more than grandparents; they are active, evolving individuals.
Language shapes how we view and treat others. Using phrases that imply fragility or incompetence contributes to a culture of ageism. According to recent studies, nearly 80% of older adults express frustration with societal stereotypes about aging. It’s crucial to see people over 60 as individuals with unique journeys, interests, and stories.
Next time you interact with someone over 60, pause before making assumptions. Engage in meaningful conversations and listen closely to their experiences without surprise. Treat them with the respect every individual deserves, regardless of age.
If we’re fortunate, we’ll all reach that age someday. The way we communicate today will influence how we are treated tomorrow. Let’s ensure our words honor the capabilities and wisdom that come with age.
