When was the last time you sat in complete silence with just your thoughts? It can be hard to find even a few moments without distractions. If you try it now, how does it feel? If you’re like most people, you might feel an urge to pick up your phone or find something to occupy your mind.
This discomfort often comes from avoiding ourselves. We stay busy with our phones, working hard to distract ourselves from our thoughts and emotions.
The Real Challenge Behind Screen Addiction
We often blame our devices for our problems. There are endless articles about smartphone addiction. But the real issue might lie in what happens when we set our phones down. During my journey to recover from burnout at age 36, I noticed that I often reached for my phone the moment I had to sit quietly. Research from the University of Virginia shows that many would prefer to give themselves electric shocks rather than be alone with their thoughts for just 15 minutes. This is startling, isn’t it?
Why Silence Can Feel Intimidating
Think about your daily habits. From checking your phone first thing in the morning to scrolling through social media at night, when do you actually take time just to exist? A turning point for me happened during therapy when I realized I had been using my phone as protection, avoiding my emotions. Dr. Sherry Turkle from MIT writes about this, explaining that technology often keeps us connected but also prevents us from facing our vulnerability.
The Stories We Avoid
In Rudá Iandê’s book Laughing in the Face of Chaos, he notes that we are surrounded by stories—both collective and personal. Much of my phone usage was about escaping my own narrative by diving into others’ lives. Since I started journaling at 36, I’ve filled numerous notebooks, finding that my deepest insights often came from those moments of uncomfortable silence.
What Are We Running From?
At night, when everything quiets down, all those worries tend to flood in. It’s what we’ve been avoiding all day. Research suggests a link between high phone use and increased anxiety. However, it might not just be the phones causing the anxiety; it could also be that we use them to escape facing ourselves.
Finding Comfort in Stillness
What happens when you finally stop running? At first, it feels difficult. Your mind may throw all kinds of worries at you. But if you push through, you may find clarity and insight. I once spent an entire afternoon in silence, only to realize how much clearer I felt afterward.
Starting Small
You don’t have to make huge changes. Start with just a few minutes of silence. Before grabbing your phone, pause and reflect. What do you feel? Writing down your thoughts might help you understand more about what you’ve been avoiding. I discovered that I had been exhausted from constantly performing and consuming.
Final Thoughts
Technology itself isn’t the enemy. However, when we allow it to distract us from truly knowing ourselves, we miss out on an essential part of life. Next time you find yourself reaching for your phone, take a moment to ask: “What am I avoiding?” You might discover that facing these questions is the first step toward truly understanding yourself.
In a world full of distractions, remember that knowing yourself is worth the effort. When you stop and listen, you might be surprised by what you find.
