Last Saturday, I found myself at a dinner party. There was a fascinating woman in her mid-forties across from me. She had sharp eyes and a laugh that pulled everyone in. As the night wore on and wine flowed, someone casually asked, “So, are you seeing anyone?”
She paused, smiled genuinely, and replied, “No. And I’m not looking. Not for what most people offer.”
The room fell silent for a moment. Then, someone quickly changed the topic to real estate.
I’ve thought about that moment since. It wasn’t just her response but the silence that followed. It highlighted how society struggles to understand people who choose to stay single. They don’t choose this because they can’t find someone; they choose it because they want something deeper.
The Reality of Singleness
Our culture often suggests that being single means something is wrong. The common belief is that being in a relationship is the goal. If you’re alone, you’re viewed as incomplete.
However, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018 revealed that long-term singles often desire intimacy just as much as those who are partnered. In fact, many expressed a craving for deeper connections and experiences. They’re not settling for less—they want more.
Imagine a person standing by an empty seat. What if they choose to wait for a connection that truly resonates?
Depth Over Preference
Many people feel emotions deeply. They remember small details, notice changes, and are affected by stories around them. People engaged in human psychology often mention how this heightened sensitivity can make relationships feel overwhelming. It’s not that they lack the desire for connection; they often feel it too intensely.
Research shows that around 15-20% of people experience emotions more deeply due to something called sensory processing sensitivity. These individuals often discern subtle cues in relationships, making shallow connections feel painful rather than fulfilling.
For these sensitive individuals, being with someone who doesn’t deeply engage isn’t just disappointing—it can feel unhealthy. So, they opt for singleness. It’s not about giving up; it’s about holding out for something meaningful.
The Courage to Choose
We admire those who break free from toxic jobs or unhealthy relationships. When someone refuses to settle for a lukewarm romantic experience, they often face judgment and concern, branded as fearful or too picky. Living in fast-paced places like Singapore can amplify this pressure, where life milestones come in prescribed order—career, partner, home, children.
A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that people who identify as “single at heart” often report greater life satisfaction than their married counterparts. The key? Authenticity. Living true to one’s needs leads to deeper happiness than conforming to societal expectations.
Embracing Solitude
There’s something unsettling for many about a person who is content alone. It challenges the traditional view: that partnership signifies fulfillment. So, we question them. “You’ll find someone. Don’t you get lonely?”
Of course, they feel loneliness—it’s a human experience. But they’ve chosen solitude over the loneliness of being with someone who doesn’t meet them emotionally.
Many single individuals have considered the feelings tied to companionship and opted for the dignity of being alone instead. That’s not a failure. It’s self-respect.
Listening to Our Bodies
Behavioral psychology teaches us that our bodies communicate profound truths about connection. We can talk ourselves into relationships, but our bodies often indicate when something feels off. Genuine connections lead to physical comfort and ease. When that’s absent, we sense it on a biological level.
Highly sensitive individuals can detect these shifts quickly. They know if someone is present and engaged, or just going through the motions. For them, opting not to settle isn’t melodramatic; it’s an essential act of self-care.
Redefining Singleness
The language around being single often paints a negative picture—someone is “still single” as if they are incomplete or haven’t succeeded in finding a partner. But what if that seat isn’t empty at all? What if it’s filled with strong friendships and enriching experiences that don’t fit conventional categories?
Consider that woman at the dinner party. She spoke a truth that many shy away from: coupledom isn’t the default state of fulfillment. Choosing to stay single can be the truest path for some, especially for those who yearn for meaningful connection.
The Seat They Own
There’s a bravery in staying true to what you know love should feel like, even when society pushes its agenda. As the world pressures people to find “the one,” those who remain content alone are not simply waiting. They are living enriched lives, embracing their choices.
If the right person comes along—someone who matches their depth—they’ll feel it immediately. Until then, that empty chair isn’t truly empty. It’s a space waiting for genuine connection, not just anyone looking to fill it.
So, what if we celebrated those who choose singleness for its empowerment? The narrative could shift to highlight self-awareness instead of loneliness—a story where each choice carries weight, where no chair is simply empty.
