DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for many years. He has struggled with being very overweight for a long time. He often promises to change, but nothing ever happens. He continues to overeat and doesn’t get enough exercise. He complains a lot about aches and fatigue. When we go out to eat, he finishes quickly while I’m still eating, leaving me to handle the waitstaff wanting to clear the table.
Recently, at dinner with friends, he was the first one at the buffet and ate more than anyone else. A few friends noticed. He has high blood pressure and cholesterol issues that medication can’t control anymore. Our sex life is suffering because of his weight, and medication isn’t helping with that either. His doctor has strongly suggested lifestyle changes, but my husband seems uninterested. He even celebrated after the doctor’s visit with a heavy meal. We’ve tried couples therapy, and while I care for him deeply, I feel disheartened watching him choose a path that affects both of us. How can I cope with this? — DISAPPOINTED IN FLORIDA
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your feelings are valid. It’s tough to watch a loved one struggle, especially when they don’t seem to see the urgency. Until your husband acknowledges he has a problem with food and is willing to make crucial changes, there’s little you can do to alter his situation. Keep expressing your love and concern for his health, but remember to look after yourself too. Have a plan in place for the future, just in case he doesn’t make those lifestyle changes.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dealing with something since I was a kid. I often find myself being blamed for things I didn’t do. Someone accuses me of doing wrong, and I’m left confused and shocked. When I make a mistake, I admit it and apologize. But when those who accuse me are proven wrong, they rarely say they’re sorry. As I’ve grown older, I’ve felt more anger and resentment toward these people. How should I handle this situation? — DUMBFOUNDED IN COLORADO
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: When someone wrongly blames you, it’s important to communicate how it affects you. Let them know how their accusations make you feel. If it happens again, don’t hesitate to distance yourself from that person until they apologize. Your feelings are important, and you deserve respect.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Contact her at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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