Dear Abby: How to Handle Being Kicked Out of My Childhood Home by My Dad’s Girlfriend

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in high school. Dad kept the house, and while I’m now in college nearby, I still visit him. Back in the day, I loved cooking dinner for the family two nights a week, and I’ve kept that tradition alive when I visit.

Things have changed, though. Dad’s new girlfriend moved in, and she’s not comfortable with me being in “her” kitchen. She wants me to stay in the living room when I’m there. If I need water, I have to ask her first. She calls it hospitality, but it feels more like she’s trying to push me away. Dad says it’s her house and her rules.

It makes me sad. My childhood home now feels off-limits. I get that she might be feeling insecure in her new role, but it still hurts. I invited both Dad and her to my place, but they haven’t come. What should I do? — PUSHED OUT IN ARKANSAS

DEAR PUSHED: It sounds like your father’s girlfriend is trying to set boundaries, maybe out of insecurity. Your dad isn’t willing to challenge her. For now, you might need to accept her rules if you want to see him. It’s tough, but sometimes relationships evolve in unexpected ways. Try to stay connected and give it some time. Your dad may realize how much he misses you and come around.

DEAR ABBY: I love animals, but I struggle with dogs. My spouse’s family has a bunch of big and small dogs, and they’re not trained at all. They jump on people and are allowed on the furniture, which I find overwhelming. Eating at their home is tough since they feed the dogs at the table and let them run wild. I completely respect their love for pets, but I’m not comfortable in that environment.

Is there a polite way to say I don’t want to visit? I’ve noticed that saying I don’t like dogs tends to upset dog lovers. Plus, they allow smoking in the house, and I’m a non-smoker, which adds to my discomfort. Any advice? — IN THE DOGHOUSE IN FLORIDA

DEAR “DOGHOUSE”: Honesty is your best policy. Share your feelings with your in-laws. Let them know how you feel about the dogs and the smoke. You might not be invited over much afterward, but that’s a small price for your peace of mind.

It’s essential to have a space where you feel comfortable. You deserve to enjoy your time, even when visiting family.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more advice, visit Dear Abby.

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