Three years back, Rebecca Lucy Taylor, famously known as Self Esteem, released her second album, *Prioritise Pleasure*. It was a big moment for her. The album didn’t just make waves; it topped charts, won awards, and led her to dream gigs like starring in *Cabaret*. She even headlined a show in her hometown, Sheffield. But after all that excitement, things took a turn.
“I got so pissed off, miserable, and crazy,” she admits, chuckling as she recalls the intense feelings that followed her success. We sit in a cozy London pub on a chilly afternoon, as the sun dips behind the horizon. It feels relaxed, with just a few people enjoying their drinks. Taylor orders a Guinness, but the pub has run out, so she opts for a chilled white wine instead.
I ask her what she meant by feeling “crazy.” “I still don’t really know. It wasn’t like I became a global star overnight. For the first time in my fifteen-year career, people were actually listening,” she shares with a laugh, explaining how she felt both empowered and overwhelmed.
*Prioritise Pleasure* was raw and relatable, showcasing Taylor’s wit and insights on life as a millennial woman. The song “I Do This All the Time” resonates with many, blending personal experiences and societal commentary. One line, where someone tells her to fit into a dress or be stuck in a low-paying job, sparked many reactions. “Everything I wanted was suddenly within reach,” she says, reflecting on how the album opened doors for her.
“I just worked nonstop; didn’t listen to anyone telling me to have a day off. But obviously, I was burned out.”
When I mention how her music feels like peering into her diary, she nods. “Yeah, that’s fair. My first album was honest, but I hid behind different stories because I was scared. This time, I laid it all bare.” The success of her second album made her say yes to every opportunity, pushing her to the brink of burnout. “It was horrible,” she admits. “I felt nothing, just flatlined.”
Diagnosed with depression years ago, she found herself seeking help again. “Now that I’ve achieved everything I wanted, why am I still struggling?” she wonders out loud, voicing a feeling many can relate to. “Is it a human thing to feel this way? Like, careful what you wish for?”
Her upcoming album, *A Complicated Woman*, set for release this April, aims to explore these complex feelings. “It’s my best work yet,” she assures me. With a mix of spoken word and powerful anthems, it dives deeper into her experiences and emotions. Tracks like “Focus Is Powerful” and “The Curse” promise a more nuanced yet energetic approach compared to her previous work.
Taylor wrote this album with tension, feeling the weight of expectation. At 38, she grapples with age and societal standards of beauty and success. “I thought maybe I’d need a nose job or do high-energy pop to fit in,” she admits, emphasizing how industry pressures can warp one’s self-image.
She describes feeling boxed in by what others expect of her. Having come out as bisexual years earlier, she questions how her identity plays into these expectations. Her latest single “Logic, Bitch” reflects her evolving views on love and connection.
Among the chaos, she’s also freezing her eggs, buying her first home, and finishing her album. “Juggling these things drives me a bit mad,” she laughs. “But it’s exciting! I’m about to have my own space.”
Taylor dives into the issues of sexism and misogyny she’s faced in the music industry. “It’s a reality that I’ve had to confront,” she says. Feeling the need to conform to a certain image left her feeling lost. “I thought I had to be hotter, younger, and keep climbing higher, but the truth is, I’m just trying to feel safe and secure.”
Sitting with her, it’s clear that beneath her confident facade is a deep vulnerability. As we chat, I can’t help but notice her introspection about womanhood and societal roles. She discusses her complicated feelings on motherhood, relationships, and identity in a world that often expects conformity.
“I was a tomboy, and getting breasts at 13 was a shock. Suddenly, everything changed.”
She opens up about her experiences in music and the moments that have shaped her. “I often felt like a burden in bands, overshadowed by the boys around me,” she admits. Leaving her indie band, Slow Club, allowed her to forge her own path, fueled by a desire to be bold and loud in her music message.
Her journey recently led her back to the stage, where she portrayed Sally Bowles in *Cabaret*. “I was terrified yet excited. I really poured myself into that role,” she reflects. She draws parallels between Sally’s struggle to be heard and her own journey through the music industry.
The upcoming album captures this blend of defiance and fatigue. “This album is about a woman who’s fed up but also defiant,” she explains, emphasizing the powerful themes threads within her work.
Reflecting on her early musical influences, she shares a newfound appreciation for the raw expression found in male-dominated music scenes. “It feels beautiful to see anyone, regardless of gender, singing their heart out,” she says, challenging the norms she’s encountered.
As our conversation winds down, she contemplates the continual struggle against self-doubt. “I’m better than I was,” she realizes. While she grapples with comparisons in the public eye, she knows the journey continues. “But being able to do this is amazing.”
*A Complicated Woman* will be out in April and promises to be a deep dive into the complexities of self-identity and resilience.
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