The moving truck arrived at my new place in Venice Beach one sunny Tuesday. I watched the movers bring in my thrifted couch, vinyl records, and mismatched dishes from my budget days.
Across the street, a woman in stylish workout gear walked her designer dog. Down the block, a Tesla gleamed as someone detailed it. My new neighbor casually mentioned his second home in Napa.
I had moved from a modest suburb in Sacramento to a wealthier part of Los Angeles, and it felt like stepping into a different universe. It wasn’t a matter of better or worse; it was just a different set of unspoken rules.
1) Be Ready for the Spotlight
In Sacramento, I could head to the grocery store in my sleepwear. Here, that’s a no-go. I learned this quickly at the farmers market, where I felt out of place in my usual weekend wear. Everyone else looked like they had just come from a photo shoot—designer clothes and perfect hair everywhere.
In this new world, even taking out the trash seems to require effort. It’s not about dressing wealthy; it’s about looking like you put thought into your appearance. Even if “effortlessly disheveled” is your style, you need to own it.
2) Small Talk is About Status
When I say, “I’m a freelance writer,” the reactions are vastly different than in Sacramento. Here, it’s more of a status inquiry: they want to know how much I earn or if I have big clients. Conversations focus on financial gains rather than creative interests.
I learned to steer these chats toward the topics I cover. Saying I write about psychology and culture keeps it interesting without turning it into a competition over who makes more.
3) Ambitious Hobbies
Early on, I mentioned my love for photography at a gathering. The immediate question was whether I was showcasing my work anywhere. When I said it was just for fun, the confusion was clear. Here, hobbies often come with expectations of ambition—there’s little room for just enjoying something without a goal.
People often feel pressure to turn their leisure activities into potential income or status boosters. Embracing the simple pleasure of a hobby took time, but it’s liberating to say, “I just enjoy it.”
4) Sustainability Scrutiny
I’ve been vegan for eight years, and it’s a core aspect of my life. In wealthier neighborhoods, caring about the planet comes with specific expectations. You should use the right reusable bags and drive an eco-friendly car, while vintage shopping is applauded—if the finds are genuinely expensive-looking.
At a recent dinner, I mentioned my veganism, and the conversation turned into a competition about the best plant-based spots. Here, it’s not enough to care; you need to show it off.
5) Value Your Free Time
Saying “I’m too busy” here flips an expectation. In Sacramento, it’s a bonding point. In Venice, it implies poor time management. Instead, the enviable position is having time. Chatting about a Tuesday yoga class or a leisurely afternoon reading is the real flex.
As a freelancer, I’ve learned to highlight my flexibility—“I set my own schedule” sounds much better than complaining about deadlines.
6) Credentials Matter
I love discussing behavioral science, reading studies, and exploring why we act the way we do. In Sacramento, this sparked engaging conversations. Here, people often ask about my qualifications first. Self-taught insights don’t carry as much weight.
I’ve learned to back my observations with credible sources. Citing institutions like Stanford or MIT lends authority to my thoughts.
7) Your Struggles Should Be in the Past
People love hearing about triumph over adversity. However, recounting current struggles invites discomfort. Mentioning financial stress makes conversations awkward. Here, the unspoken rule is that if you’re struggling, there’s something you’re doing wrong.
This environment can be exhausting, especially when many face real financial challenges in costly cities.
8) Relationships are Strategic
In Sacramento, friendships were natural, formed by shared interests. In Venice, connections are often calculated—evaluating what each person can offer. I’ve seen people weigh whether to engage based on titles and industry influence.
It’s interesting how my partner’s tech job opens doors compared to my freelance writing. Sometimes, I feel like an afterthought when it comes to networking.
Despite this, I’ve found wisdom in Rudá Iandê’s book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos. He notes that so many of us wear masks to fit societal expectations. This reminder helps me navigate relationships authentically, valuing them for their own sake.
Finding My Place
Living in a wealthy neighborhood hasn’t made me wealthy, but it has opened my eyes to the unseen codes that govern such spaces. Some rules feel trivial, while others seem like draining performances.
I still wear my favorite shirts and talk about my work honestly, but I’ve also learned how to adapt. I seek out those who value authenticity over appearances. The standards exist, but it’s up to me how much I reshape myself to meet them.
Whether it’s fostering genuine connections or finding fulfillment in simple pleasures, I’m learning to navigate this new world while staying true to myself.
