When I first stepped into that investment firm at 23, armed with my economics degree and student loans, I believed sheer hard work was all I needed. I quickly realized I was mistaken.
There were hidden rules at play, unwritten guidelines that no one openly discussed. They involved networking, conversation styles, and a nuanced way of discussing money without directly mentioning it.
After nearly two decades in finance, I’ve gained insight into these unspoken rules. Some lessons came from my mistakes, while others emerged from quietly observing my peers who seemed to navigate these waters effortlessly.
Walking away from a six-figure salary to become a writer, I can now see these invisible norms clearly. Understanding them doesn’t mean you leave your roots behind; it means you gain access to spaces often designed to exclude certain voices.
For anyone moving between social classes, here’s what I wish someone had shared with me from the start.
1. Small Talk is Strategic Networking
Initially, I thought small talk was pointless. My upbringing focused on straightforward conversations about immediate needs. Yet, in my firm, casual chats about travel or food were vital for building relationships. They laid the groundwork for business deals and career moves. My boss once advised me, “At a cocktail party, people want to know if they’d enjoy dining with you.” Small talk, I learned, isn’t just filler—it’s the main dish.
2. Your Network Opens Doors
One shocking realization in finance was how much success relies on connections. In my family, you earned your way through hard work. But in wealthier circles, leveraging your network is expected. Relationships are seen as crucial resources. I initially struggled with asking for help, but I learned it’s about being strategic. Once I embraced this, opportunities emerged that hard work alone couldn’t unlock.
3. Direct Money Talk is Tacky
In working-class settings, discussing money openly is commonplace. But in more affluent environments, directly referencing salaries is seen as unrefined. People dance around money, often using euphemisms. I faced challenges when I felt underpaid compared to male colleagues and wanted to confront HR about salaries. But understanding this dance became crucial. Words like “comfortable” or “family money” convey meaning without stating it plainly.
4. Quality Appearance Matters
My first client meeting was a wake-up call. My off-the-rack suit didn’t cut it. Colleagues suggested I invest in better attire. In wealthy environments, clothing isn’t just neat; it showcases quality and detail. Viewing this differently shifted my perspective. High-quality outfits conveyed attention to detail and placed me in the right circles.
5. Experiences Outweigh Possessions
Surprisingly, wealthy individuals often prioritize experiences over material goods. Conversations revolve around travel and unique activities rather than items bought. A friend shared that once you have enough possessions, they lose their appeal. Experiences, however, create lasting connections. This was a mindset shift for me, as spending for an experience felt wasteful. Yet, in these circles, experiences define identity.
6. Confidence is Assumed
Many who grow up secure carry a natural confidence. I battled imposter syndrome, feeling every success was luck and every setback a sign of inadequacy. I learned that it’s essential to present yourself with certainty. Successful people act like they belong—it’s not arrogance; it’s self-assurance. Practicing this was vital for me.
7. Time is Treasured
In working-class jobs, being busy is seen as valuable. In wealthier environments, protecting time signals status. Successful individuals don’t brag about working long hours. They prioritize boundaries and time off. I learned through burnout that being constantly available diminishes perceived value. People treated their time as precious. I had to adopt this mindset—it was backwards from my upbringing but essential for my success.
Learning these rules took time, and some still feel alien. None are inherently right or wrong; they are simply different. Understanding them opened doors for me. Yet, I’ve endeavored to keep my values of directness and hard work.
Embracing these unspoken rules doesn’t mean losing oneself. It’s about navigating different spaces wisely. Many successful individuals can adapt between worlds. They understand both sides and use that knowledge to their advantage.
Social class divides exist, but knowledge is power. Once you see how the game is played, you can choose how to engage with it.
For further insights on wealth dynamics, you might check out resources from the Pew Research Center, which provides extensive reports on wealth inequality and its societal impacts.
