How Embracing My Polyamorous Lifestyle Made Me a Better Mom: My Kids Know the Truth

Nichole Gonzalez had a unique birth experience when she welcomed her daughter in late 2023. Her husband, Frank, held one leg while their girlfriend, Sasha, supported the other. “It was important for me to have both my partners in the delivery room,” she shared. Gonzalez, a 29-year-old stay-at-home mom from northern New Jersey, is part of a growing number of parents exploring consensual non-monogamy (CNM). This relationship style allows individuals to have romantic and sexual connections outside of traditional two-person partnerships.

A 2024 study from the University of Quebec found that about one in five adults in the U.S. and Canada engage in CNM. Notably, many of these individuals have children. “Among those who practice CNM, many have children,” the report states. This growing trend presents a new approach to family dynamics.

Research has shown that children from polyamorous families often have positive opinions about their parents’ partners. A study interviewing 18 children of poly parents indicated that these kids generally enjoyed the presence of additional caregivers in their lives. However, a separate study from Cornell University pointed out potential challenges, like the emotional impact when relationships change or end.

Despite these findings, Gonzalez believes in the benefits of her family structure. “If you bring the right person into your family, your kids have more love,” she said. In her home, she emphasizes a nurturing approach, while Frank takes on the role of the playful dad and Sasha provides stability.

Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist, highlights that polyamorous families can offer more love and support. “You have more hands and more guidance for your children,” she said. This perspective reflects a shift in how families can function today.

Conversely, not everyone embraces this lifestyle. Courtney Boyers, a poly mom of three from Seattle, prefers to keep her romantic interests separate from her children. She and her husband, Nathan, have navigated challenges in their marriage since she came out as poly. “It required a lot of reexamination,” Nathan shared, noting that therapy helped him adjust. Courtney’s children, on the other hand, were supportive when she disclosed her lifestyle change, saying, “We love you. We don’t care.”

In contrast, Jame Barrett, a Los Angeles resident with five wives and 11 children, is fully committed to a blended family approach. He casually proposed that they all live together, and the women embraced the idea. “Now, my children live under the same roof as their dad,” said Jessica, one of the wives, highlighting a sense of unity in their family setup.

Barrett feels that his polyamorous lifestyle has improved his parenting. “I’m their first example of love,” he said, sharing his commitment to being present in his children’s lives. Still, he doesn’t pressure his sons to follow in his footsteps, jokingly asking them about future relationships.

This evolving family landscape challenges traditional notions of parenting and relationships. As more people embrace diverse family structures, the conversation about love and support continues to grow. Polyamorous parenting can provide unique benefits, but it also requires careful navigation of emotions and societal perceptions.

In a world that’s rapidly changing, families are finding new ways to share love and responsibility. Whether through polyamory or other alternative arrangements, the focus remains on creating nurturing environments for children.

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