How I Overcame Years of Comparison and Found True Freedom: My Personal Journey

For a long time, I found myself caught in the comparison trap. I’d scroll through LinkedIn late at night, wondering why others seemed to be moving up the ladder faster than I was. When visiting friends in their new homes, I’d mentally measure their space against my little apartment. And scrolling through Instagram often left me feeling inadequate, comparing my reality to their highlight reels.

Those comparisons were quiet whispers, always reminding me, “You’re falling behind,” or “Look how much they’ve accomplished.” Every time, I shrunk into myself, convinced that I wasn’t enough.

It’s common to think that measuring ourselves against others will keep us motivated. But in my experience, it just drained my energy. Instead of focusing on my goals, I spent hours replaying others’ successes, as if I were watching a movie I wasn’t even in.

The change didn’t come overnight. It was a gradual unfolding, with small steps and one book that pushed me to rethink everything I believed about self-worth.

One morning, over coffee, I opened my journal. Instead of jotting down my to-do list, I began writing the names of people I compared myself to. Colleagues, friends, even acquaintances I’d barely spoken to. The list made me realize I was engaged in a race no one else was even running.

Psychologists often discuss comparison as a form of self-surveillance. We think it gives us clarity, but it often amplifies our insecurities. When I finally examined my own patterns, I saw that I wasn’t being motivated; I was stuck. I had been so focused on keeping up that I stalled my own growth.

A significant belief I carried was that there was a “perfect” path to success—an unspoken checklist to meet, filled with perfect jobs, savings, and relationships. But chasing perfection is exhausting. Just when I thought I was close, someone else’s achievements popped up to remind me I hadn’t done enough.

Then, I came across Rudá Iandê’s book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos. His words challenged me to stop battling with myself and to rethink the invisible rules I lived by. One line hit me hard: “When we let go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves to live fully.”

Suddenly, I realized that those benchmarks weren’t even mine to chase. This insight shifted my focus from trying to match someone else’s version of success to embracing what felt right for me, even if it seemed messy.

Comparison strips us of our agency. When we constantly measure ourselves against others, our choices shrink, and we end up reacting to external pressures instead of listening to our own needs. True freedom isn’t about being ahead of the pack; it’s about finding what’s important to you and letting that be enough.

For me, that meant simplifying my morning routine, even if it didn’t look “optimized” like others claimed it should. I allowed myself to explore writing projects that might never be profitable but brought me joy. Instead of waiting for significant milestones, I found happiness in small achievements.

Sometimes, comparison sneaks back in—it’s human. But now I catch it quickly. I remind myself I don’t need to play someone else’s highlight reel; I can focus on my own journey.

If you find yourself stuck in comparison, remind yourself: you don’t need to win a race you never agreed to run. You don’t need a measuring stick. Your journey is yours alone.

The real question isn’t, “Am I doing as well as them?” but rather, “Am I aligned with what matters to me?” Comparison might seem like fate, but it’s just a habitual way of thinking. Letting go of the scorecard can open doors to happiness that doesn’t require keeping tabs.

Let’s embrace the richness of our own paths. The messiness, the complexity, the realness is where we find our true selves.

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