Is My 55-Year-Old Boyfriend’s Unusual Request a Red Flag? Navigating Trust in Our Relationship

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 56-year-old woman in a relationship with a 55-year-old man. We’ve been together for a year and a half but have never been married or had children. Recently, he asked for a break because he’s unsure about his feelings. We agreed to a two-month trial, but now I’m anxious and uncertain. It feels like he gets to relax while I’m stuck wondering about our future. Should I just end things, or is there a chance this could work?

—Dangling on a String

Jenée Desmond-Harris: Honestly, I’m not a fan of relationship breaks. They often lead to confusion and can waste a lot of time. It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t commit entirely.

Lizzie O’Leary: Exactly! Why do we keep hearing about these indecisive men? At his age, he should know better. If someone truly cares, they won’t need a break to figure it out.

Jenée: It’s tough, I understand. When you love someone, it’s hard to let go. Holding onto hope feels natural. But imagine being with someone who is excited about you, not someone who needs a timeout to figure it out.

Lizzie: Right! If he needs a break, what’s the real reason? Is he dealing with personal issues? If it’s just a vague need for space, that raises red flags.

Research shows that breaks often lead to relationships ending. A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who took breaks were more likely to separate permanently than those who remained committed.

Jenée: A break means you’re essentially single. You might feel anxious about him dating others. It’s hard to just slip back together afterward. If you decide you need space, it might be better to call it a breakup, but leave the door open for future possibilities.

Lizzie: Exactly! If someone wants to be with you, they’ll find a way. And honestly, at 55, there’s no excuse for being unsure. This should be a time for planning the future, not just going with the flow.

Jenée: If you choose to move on, focus on things that make you happy. Create a list of goals. Find old friends who remind you of your worth, because you are wonderful just as you are.

Taking time to reflect on your own needs is crucial too. Every relationship should enhance your life, not create uncertainty and doubt.

In a world that often romanticizes indecision, it’s vital to prioritize self-worth and clarity. Reflect on what you truly deserve in a relationship.

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