Facing Death: Insights from a Hospital Chaplain
J.S. Park, a hospital chaplain in Tampa, faced intense anxiety about death during his early days on the job. Working in a trauma center exposed him to many painful situations. He often worried about his family, fearing their lives could change in an instant. However, this anxiety eventually shifted into a deeper appreciation for life.
Park points out that thinking about death can actually highlight the beauty in everyday moments. He believes that “when death is on the forefront of your mind, life gains a richer texture.” This idea resonates with many, as reflecting on mortality prompts us to cherish our loved ones and the time we have together.
In his decade-long experience, Park has learned that discussing dying is crucial yet often avoided. Many people hesitate to confront this reality, leading to awkward conversations filled with platitudes, like “everything will be alright.” Park notes that these statements often stem from a shared fear of mortality. Instead, he suggests facing the uncomfortable truth helps us support our loved ones through their struggles.
When visiting a dying person, families often feel shocked by how their loved one breathes. It can sound labored, sometimes gasping for air. This is part of the body’s struggle to live. Park emphasizes the body’s resilience, as it fights against the inevitable.
Families frequently struggle with feelings of guilt when they see their loved ones in discomfort or deterioration. It’s important to listen to those emotions; being present and offering care, rather than asking burdensome questions, truly supports the person in need. For example, offering to bring a meal can lift the emotional load far more than vague offers of help.
Park also highlights the rarity of last conversations with loved ones. Awareness often fades as death approaches, making it challenging to have those meaningful exchanges. He encourages families to speak to their loved ones, even if they seem unresponsive. Many believe the dying can hear, and expressing feelings can provide emotional closure.
After losing friends, including one named John, Park felt compelled to talk to them even at their end. He shared his daily experiences, believing they could still hear him, which became a cherished final conversation.
For families, supporting someone at the end of life means being sensitive to their unique needs. Everyone has different ways of wanting support, and it’s crucial to respect that. Instead of asking how they’re doing, direct offers of help are often more appreciated.
As individuals approach their own mortality, reflecting on end-of-life preferences can alleviate some fear. Thinking about personal wishes—such as care preferences or how to handle belongings—promotes a sense of control.
Park’s approach underscores the importance of meaningful conversation and preparation. People often express a desire for small comforts, like family pictures or even pets, during their final moments. These choices can add dignity and comfort in times of deep vulnerability.
In the end, confronting death can lead us not just to acceptance but to a deeper appreciation of life itself. Engaging with these themes can help us connect better with those we love and find solace in shared experiences, even amid life’s challenges.
For more in-depth understanding of how to navigate these conversations, consider As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve by J.S. Park.
You can find more of Park’s insights on his Instagram page, where he shares ways to handle grief and celebrate life. For further resources, check out NPR Life Kit for expert advice on various life challenges.
