Master Your Emotions: Dr. Ethan Kross Shares Proven Strategies for Emotional Resilience

Do you find it hard to handle your emotions? You’re not alone. Many people struggle with this every day.

As Ethan Kross, a well-known psychologist, points out, emotional distress, anxiety, and loneliness are on the rise. He believes managing our emotions is one of the biggest challenges we face today.

From ancient times to now, struggling with emotions has been part of the human experience. Kross mentions that even medical practices from 10,000 years ago aimed to manage difficult feelings. Today, we have better ways to understand and cope with our emotions without drastic measures.

In his book Shift, Kross explains how science gives us tools to manage emotions. He shares strategies we can use to take control of our feelings before they take control of us.

Let’s dive into some common misconceptions about emotions:

One idea many people believe is that avoiding negative feelings is always harmful. While it’s true that we often feel the need to confront our emotions head-on, Kross suggests a balanced approach. Sometimes, stepping away from a problem for a little while can help us return with a clearer perspective.

For example, if you receive troubling news, take some time away from it. When you revisit the issue later, you might find it doesn’t seem as heavy, or you could see a new solution.

Another common myth is that venting our feelings helps. While sharing problems can feel good in the moment, simply venting doesn’t always solve anything. After venting, it’s helpful to talk with someone who can help broaden your perspective on the situation.

Now, let’s explore the idea of living in the moment:

We often hear that being present is the key to happiness, but thinking about the past and future also helps us. Reflecting on past challenges can remind us that current struggles are temporary. For instance, when Kross feels overwhelmed, he recalls the hardships his grandmother faced. This perspective helps him recognize that his worries may not be as significant as they seem.

What should you do when emotions start to spiral?

First, recognize that you have some control over your feelings. Understand what emotions are and why we experience them. This awareness can empower you to use strategies when emotions become too much to handle.

Ask yourself, “Do I want to keep feeling this way?” If the answer is no, then it’s time to use your emotional toolbox. Kross admits he also struggles with emotions but emphasizes the importance of noticing when they stop being helpful and knowing how to shift them.

If you could take away one practical tip from Shift, what would it be?

Kross advises getting familiar with different emotional management tools and experimenting with them. Just like getting fit requires exploring various workouts to see what works best for you, improving emotional fitness also takes practice. Discover which strategies help you feel better and don’t hesitate to share what you learn with others.

Emotions are a fundamental part of being human, and many people struggle to understand them. Taking time to learn how to manage these feelings can make a big difference in our lives and the lives of those around us.

Ethan Kross, PhD, is a professor at the University of Michigan and directs the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory.