Navigating Grief and Love: How to Handle In-Law Resistance to Your New Dating Life After Loss

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 20 years four months ago after a long illness. I took early retirement at 62 to care for her, which was both a challenging and fulfilling experience. Recently, a close friend, Dinah, came to my wife’s memorial. We’ve started spending time together, including attending worship services. Just to clarify, we haven’t been intimate and won’t be until marriage, if that happens. But my late wife’s family is pulling away from me. They think I should wait a year before dating again. What’s the deal with this “one year” rule? I’ve talked with my financial planner about not making big decisions right now, but I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong. — READY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR READY: The suggested “one year” wait is based on the idea that people can make impulsive decisions while grieving. It’s not uncommon for those who have just lost a spouse to feel vulnerable and lonely. Some may jump into new relationships too quickly, leading to regrets later. Your in-laws may view your new friendship as disrespectful to your late wife’s memory. However, it’s important to recognize that your grieving began while you were caring for her, not just after her passing.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married to Gayle for 25 years, but she has distanced herself from our family and even her own siblings. She often makes rude comments and picks fights at family gatherings. This has led us to step back, which is sad because my brother and Gayle have college-aged kids we enjoy seeing.

Recently, I’ve noticed my brother has been recalling events that never happened, particularly ones where he believes I wronged him. Should I step in? — MISSING MY BROTHER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR MISSING: False memories can occur, especially as people age. Your brother’s experiences may warrant a medical evaluation for signs of dementia. It would be wise to discuss this with your siblings and collectively approach his wife and adult children. If they are open to the idea, it might help to get him the care he needs. However, if Gayle has spent years isolating him, she may resist your concerns.

Grief and family dynamics can be complex. Whether moving on or dealing with a loved one’s behavior, it’s crucial to be compassionate and seek support when needed. Conversations about mental health are becoming more common, making it vital to address such issues openly.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, known as Jeanne Phillips. For more insights, visit DearAbby.com.

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