Dear Annie,
I have a sister, Erin, who is really dramatic. Lately, it feels like she’s creating chaos in her life. She’s going through a divorce, and while I get how tough that is, she’s calling me several times a day. She vents about everything: her ex, the kids, her job, our parents, even the neighbor’s barking dog. I want to support her, but it’s exhausting. I have a full-time job and two young kids. Honestly, I dread seeing her name pop up on my phone.
Last week, I let one of her calls go to voicemail. She texted me five times in an hour, asking why I wasn’t picking up. When I finally called back, she accused me of not caring. I told her I needed space, and now she’s barely talking to me.
I feel like I’m being pushed into the role of emotional caretaker, and I’m not sure how to set boundaries without damaging our relationship. How can I support Erin without sacrificing my own peace? — Stretched Thin in Spokane
Dear Stretched Thin,
This is a tricky spot. It’s essential to not feel guilty about needing space. Erin may expect you to be her emotional rock, but you have your own responsibilities. You can gently tell her you care and that, while you want to be there for her, you can’t be her go-to all the time. Suggest she consider talking to a professional who can help her navigate her feelings. If she gets upset, let her. She’s allowed to feel that way, and you have the right to maintain your boundaries.
Dear Annie,
My younger sister, Melanie, is stirring up drama. I recently got engaged, and instead of celebrating with me, she’s acting out. She feels “grieved” that our relationship is changing, claiming I’m abandoning her. At first, I felt guilty, but her passive-aggressive comments are too much. She tells our friends I’m “too busy for family” and sulks during family dinners when we talk about wedding plans.
Melanie is 27, lives independently, and has a job. So, it’s not like she’s helpless. I’m trying to be understanding, but I don’t get why she can’t just be happy for me! My fiancé has noticed how tense I become after being with her. How do I handle this without just avoiding her? — Tired of the Guilt Trips
Dear Tired,
You’re not alone in feeling this way. Many brides find that engagements stir mixed emotions among friends and family. Melanie might be feeling left out or afraid of the changes ahead. While her feelings are valid, it’s not okay for her to turn your happy moment into a guilt trip.
Be honest with her. Let her know you care about her but won’t let her feelings dim your joy. Speak your mind kindly and clearly, then give her some time to process it. Remember, setting boundaries is crucial. It protects your happiness and helps keep your relationships healthy.
Finding the right balance in these relationships can be tough, but it’s essential for your peace of mind. Supporting loved ones doesn’t mean losing yourself. Sometimes, a little distance can offer the perspective everyone needs.
Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. To ask your questions, contact Annie at [email protected].
