Dear Abby: Unsafe Deck Concerns
My brother-in-law is confident in his DIY skills. He built a deck in his backyard, but it’s clear he lacks professional expertise. My husband and I have never felt safe using it, and we’ve heard others express the same concern.
He proudly told me that he didn’t pull any permits during the construction nor had anyone inspect the deck afterward. This raises serious safety questions. I worry that one day, someone might sit on that deck and it could collapse, injuring people.
When I brought this up to him, he dismissed my concerns, advising me to mind my own business. Now, I’m stuck. Should I stay quiet, hoping that no one gets hurt, or should I take action?
— Concerned Relative in the Midwest
Dear Concerned Relative:
You should definitely speak up! While it might be chilly now, warmer days are ahead when gatherings will take place on that deck. An accident could lead to devastating consequences.
Reporting this might be the right step before someone is seriously hurt. If you fear retaliation, remember that protecting people’s safety comes first. Anonymity can be a concern, but ensuring public safety should take precedence over personal relationships.
Dear Abby: Money Matters in a New Relationship
I’ve developed feelings for a man at church. We are both widowed and have spent two wonderful months together. He’s creative—a writer, poet, and musician. We enjoy long conversations, laughter, and he even sings for me.
However, I’m in a different financial situation. I have significantly more money than he does. While he knows I have a nice older car, he hasn’t seen my condo yet. I worry that if he discovers my wealth, it could change his feelings toward me.
I would like to help him update his modest apartment, but I’m unsure about how to approach this. My desire to be honest with him conflicts with my fear that money could drive a wedge between us. What should I do?
— Perplexed in Florida
Dear Perplexed:
Keep your financial details to yourself for now. It’s only been two months, and while you may feel strong emotions, he might not feel the same way yet.
Resist the urge to redecorate his space at this stage. Relationships should develop naturally without the complexities that money brings. Discussing finances is more appropriate when you reach a committed level in your relationship, ideally when considering marriage—perhaps with the help of a financial professional.
A Note to Readers: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
“May the most you wish for be the least you get. May the best times you’ve ever had be the worst you will ever see.”
With love, Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. For more insights, visit DearAbby.com.
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