Dr. Marc Rothman, a geriatrician in New York City, sees many patients with dementia and their families. He often notices that families gradually slip into crisis as caregiving demands increase.
Rothman explains that while caring for a loved one at home can work for some time, severe dementia often complicates things dramatically. “It turns into creating a nursing home for one,” he says. He leads a tech company, Lizzy Care, designed to help families navigate dementia challenges.
Caregiving involves managing diet, medications, recreation, and keeping up with medical appointments while also taking care of yourself. Rothman points out that incontinence, increased paranoia, and aggressive outbursts can push families to consider nursing homes.
Family caregivers often face the distressing behavior of a loved one leaving home unexpectedly. This is sometimes called “wandering,” but Elizabeth Edgerly from the Alzheimer’s Association prefers the term “elopement.” She believes that those with dementia might have genuine reasons for their actions, like wanting to “go home” or pick up kids who are now grown.
Valerie Staats cares for her wife, Shelley Schultz, who has Alzheimer’s. After a frightening incident where Schultz went missing, Valerie is wrestling with guilt and safety concerns. The police eventually found Schultz just a block away, but the incident shook Valerie deeply.
Statistics tell us that 60% of people with dementia become lost at some point, and nearly half of those lost for over 24 hours may sustain serious injuries or even die. The risk often increases after that critical first day.
Valerie’s increasing worry has led her to install several safety measures at home, but she knows she might soon have to consider moving Schultz to a memory care facility. Such facilities often provide specialized support for dementia patients. Loren Shook, who runs Silverado Memory Care, explains that engaging residents in meaningful activities can improve their quality of life significantly.
“People can rediscover skills they thought they’d lost,” he notes. Activities tailored for individuals can help manage challenging behaviors like wandering and aggression.
However, memory care comes with a hefty price tag, starting at around $10,000 a month. For Valerie and Shelley, this weighty decision looms larger as they navigate the implications of memory care.
Recent surveys show a growing trend of families seeking memory care for their loved ones. Many express gratitude for the support but also share feelings of loss and fear. Dementia affects not only patients but entire families, shifting roles and relationships in profound ways.
As Valerie contemplates the move to memory care, she hopes to maintain the deep connection she and Shelley share. She longs for moments where they can enjoy their relationship beyond the caregiver role. Nighttimes remain special, as she cherishes their last exchanges, saying “I love you, goodnight,” and hearing a sliver of their old intimacy in response.
Caring for someone with dementia is challenging, but understanding these dynamics can provide insight and support for individuals and families facing similar journeys.
For more information on dementia and caregiving resources, visit the Alzheimer’s Association and Lizzy Care.
