When love fades, it’s easy to think there’s a single big problem. But often, the truth lies in small, accumulated wounds that go unaddressed. Little things like forgotten gestures and unmet needs pile up, leading to unspoken resentment.
Many couples come to therapy unsure of what’s wrong. They might say, “I can’t pinpoint it, but something feels off.” Digging deeper usually reveals a layer of resentment that can feel invisible even to the person holding onto it.
Resentment isn’t just anger; it’s more like sediment that builds up quietly over time. Here are five common sources of resentment in relationships:
1. Emotional Labor Imbalance
Taking on tasks like remembering birthdays and navigating daily schedules can feel exhausting. Research shows that in many relationships, one partner, often the woman, ends up bearing most of this mental load. A study published in Sex Roles found that this uneven distribution of emotional tasks can lead to higher stress and lower relationship satisfaction.
2. Uneven Accommodation
Flexibility is important in relationships, but if one partner is always compromising, it can create a power imbalance. A 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology highlights how repeated sacrifices can create a “reciprocity gap.” When one person always adjusts, they might feel unrecognized and undervalued.
3. Growth Disparity
Sometimes, one partner grows emotionally while the other remains stagnant. This can create a mismatch where one person’s progress feels burdensome to the other. An eight-year study found that couples who grow together report better support. When that growth diverges, dissatisfaction can increase.
4. Misunderstanding
When one partner struggles, but the other acts as if nothing has changed, frustration can build. A study found that during stressful times, mismatched support can make things worse, leaving both partners feeling unseen and misunderstood.
5. Lack of Apologies
Unacknowledged mistakes can breed deep resentment. Small gestures, like saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you,” are essential for healing. Without genuine apologies, wounds can fester, creating distance in a relationship. Research shows that sincere apologies are crucial for forgiveness; if they’re absent, hurt feelings only grow.
In relationships, maintaining open communication is key to preventing resentment from building. By addressing small issues early on, couples can strengthen their bond and foster deeper understanding.
Source link
Long-term partners,Relationship,Love,Emotional labor,Uneven accomodation,Growth gap,Misunderstood,Apology,Forgiveness,Mark Travers
