I’m going to share something that might sound odd: I’m scared of retirement. Not about the finances—it’s more about losing my identity.
A while back, I switched from music blogging to writing about lifestyle and food. It was exciting, but it also left me feeling a bit lost. After being “the indie music guy,” who was I now? It took time to find my footing again.
Now imagine that feeling after decades in the same job. Many people don’t feel liberated when they retire; they feel adrift.
How We Identify Ourselves
Think back to your last introduction. What was your first question? Likely, “What do you do?” This question is about more than curiosity; it’s a shortcut to understanding someone’s social status and identity.
Derek Thompson, in The Atlantic, calls this “workism”—the idea that our jobs define us. For many, work has become the center of their identity, replacing traditional sources of meaning like religion. So when people retire, it’s not just about leaving a job; it’s letting go of how they see themselves.
The Roots of Our Work Culture
This deep connection to work didn’t form overnight. It traces back to the Puritans, who believed that hard work was a sign of moral virtue. Over time, this evolved into a cultural norm where our worth is tied to our productivity. As noted in a CNBC piece, the constant push to work harder can lead to burnout. Anne Helen Petersen, a burnout expert, bluntly states that in today’s world, the more you work, the more you’re valued.
This mindset is wired into us. We feel guilt for taking time off; our self-worth often hinges on our accomplishments.
Facing Retirement
Retirement advice tends to focus on what to do next: pick up hobbies, travel, or volunteer. But for many, the issue runs deeper. It’s not just about finding activities—it’s about rediscovering who you are.
Research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that retirees often grapple with their sense of purpose. Those who were unhappy in their jobs might find new purpose after retiring. But for those who attached their identity to their work, the shift can be disorienting.
My grandmother, for example, was never just about her job. She raised her family and was active in her community. When she retired, that sense of self didn’t vanish because it was grounded in more than just her profession.
Navigating Identity Change
Psychologists discuss an “identity-based retirement,” where retirees undergo a transformation in how they see themselves. This period can feel chaotic. Many people aren’t just losing a job; they’re losing their sense of self.
You can’t simply think your way into a new identity. Actions matter. Learning to embrace uncertainty and enjoy activities without needing them to serve a purpose is key.
I learned this when I started taking walks with my camera. Initially, I told myself I was doing it for work. Over time, I just enjoyed the process—capturing moments without any end goal. It was uncomfortable at first, but gradually, I learned to appreciate the act itself.
The Importance of Rest
We often view rest as the opposite of work, but that’s a flawed perspective. Rest should be seen as part of productivity, not a reward. Research shows that productivity peaks around forty hours a week, after which our effectiveness declines. Yet, many retirees still struggle with unwinding.
If you’ve never practiced rest while working, you won’t magically know how to relax in retirement. It requires effort.
Consider cooking: I used to rush through it, treating it like another task. When I started enjoying the process, savoring the smells and flavors, it became a rewarding experience rather than just a chore.
Cultural Shifts Needed
This isn’t just a personal dilemma; it’s a societal issue. We raise people to value output and then abandon them in retirement without guidance. If we want to truly support retirees, we need to start conversations about identity diversification long before they leave the workforce.
Encouraging individuals to explore identities outside of their jobs in their younger years can provide a safety net. Plus, we should redefine our views on rest. It’s not merely a break from work—it’s a vital practice for a fulfilling life.
The retirees who struggle aren’t just those who didn’t save enough—they’re the ones who tied their self-worth to productivity. When that ends, they may question the value of their lives.
In Conclusion
Retirement doesn’t create identity crises; it reveals what was already there. The work of understanding who you are beyond your job begins long before you stop working.
So, when someone asks, “What do you do?” consider reflecting on a deeper question: “Who are you when you aren’t doing anything?” No matter how uncomfortable that question feels, it’s worth exploring now—because retirement will come, and being prepared can make all the difference.
