We’ve all had a conversation that suddenly feels dull, like the collective IQ just dropped. Nobody wants to seem uninterested or out of their depth, but certain habits can make that happen. The solution? Replace posturing with genuine curiosity, and instead of hot takes, ask humble questions. This simple shift can change how others see your intelligence and character.
After spending years in finance and then moving into psychology writing, I noticed that savvy people rarely feel the need to prove their smarts. They ask insightful questions, reference reliable sources, and embrace complexity.
If you’ve ever felt a conversation slip away or noticed that someone stopped texting after a date, it might be time to rethink your topics. Here are eight conversation habits to reconsider, along with healthier alternatives.
Bragging About Ignoring Books
Saying you don’t read books might feel like a badge of honor, but it often signals a lack of curiosity. People who make an effort to read—even a little—tend to ask better questions and connect more deeply. If time is tight, share an interesting podcast or an article you enjoyed. Curiosity is attractive.Obsessing Over Celebrity Gossip
Talking about celebrity scandals can be entertaining, but making it your main topic suggests a shallow engagement with life. Treating someone’s personal struggles as entertainment can erode trust. Instead, discuss broader themes—like identity or growth. This can lead to more meaningful conversations.Ranting About Conspiracy Theories
Skepticism can be healthy, but spouting unverified conspiracy theories comes across as fragile. Strong thinkers ask questions and are open to evidence that might contradict their beliefs. If you’re unsure, say something like, “Here’s what I believe, but I’m open to other viewpoints. What do you think?”Promoting Unproven Health Hacks
While wellness tips can be fun, spreading untested health remedies can be risky. You might inadvertently lead someone astray. Instead, share your personal experiences with a new practice and ask for others’ insights. This way, the conversation remains open and productive.Focusing on Status Symbols
Discussing expensive items like cars or luxury brands can come off as insecure. Instead, share stories of growth, challenges, and lessons learned. People connect more with narratives of development than with displays of wealth.Using Stereotypes
Broad statements about groups can seem lazy and miss the nuance of individual experiences. Instead of labeling entire generations or communities, say something like, “I’ve noticed a trend in my industry—what’s your experience?” This invites richer dialogue.Chasing Quick Successes
Conversation that revolves around easy money, like “get-rich-quick” schemes, signals a desire for results without effort. Real success comes from understanding risks and investing time. If wealth-building is your focus, share your learning process and ask for advice.Complaining Without Curiosity
Venting feels natural, but constant complaining without seeking solutions can drain energy from interactions. Shift your focus from the problem to potential fixes. For example, instead of saying, “Work is unbearable,” share what you’re trying to improve the situation.
Lastly, as Rudá Iandê emphasizes, stepping away from the need for perfection frees us to fully engage with the messiness of life. That engagement fosters curiosity and genuine connection.
If any of these habits resonate with you, remember we’re all in this together. The goal isn’t just to sound impressive; it’s about being genuinely interested. Let’s swap certainty for questions and build richer, more meaningful conversations. Small changes can lead to big differences over time.
For further insights, consider checking out Rudá Iandê’s book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos, which encourages deeper reflection on how we engage with our thoughts and discussions.