DEAR ABBY: My wife and I had our third child six months ago, but things have turned upside down since then. She’s been diagnosed with postpartum depression and has cheated on me multiple times. Now, she has moved out, is dating a woman, and wants a divorce.
Even with everything happening, I still love her and have forgiven her. But her actions are hurting our other kids, and she won’t admit it or talk to me about it. She’s also refused counseling and blames me for everything. What should I do? — DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND: This situation must be incredibly challenging. If you didn’t know your wife was bisexual before, this shift is likely shocking. Consider two paths: First, speaking to a mental health professional could help you understand how postpartum depression might be influencing her actions. Remember, her decisions aren’t solely your fault.
The second option is consulting with family law attorneys. While you can’t change her choices, it’s essential to ensure your kids can spend time with their father. You deserve a clear plan moving forward.
DEAR ABBY: I’m in my late 30s and live far from my parents. Our relationship isn’t great, and I’ve been estranged from my younger brother for 20 years due to some terrible actions he took. I visit my city, but I don’t want to see him, and my parents often invite him when I come.
I want to tell them that if they invite him, I won’t visit. I don’t need to stay with them since I have friends there. How can I make this clear without causing a scene? — INDEPENDENT IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR INDEPENDENT: It’s important to have a straightforward talk with your parents. Share what your brother did and explain that you never want to see him again. Be clear that you’d love to visit, but if they invite him, you simply won’t come. This isn’t about laying down the law; it’s about setting necessary boundaries for your mental health.
It’s crucial to create spaces that respect your needs, especially regarding past traumas. Open communication can help, and sometimes, setting firm boundaries leads to healthier relationships with those who respect them.
Dear Abby is penned by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. It was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Reach out at http://www.DearAbby.com or send letters to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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