DEAR ABBY: I spent 15 years in an abusive relationship that harmed my children. I grappled with my own emotional issues for much longer, which kept me in that relationship too long.
Both my daughters left home young—one at 16, the other at 13. They went to live with their fathers, who let them smoke and drink. During this time, I was still trying to process my abuse, and things only got worse for me emotionally. Even after my youngest daughter left, I stayed in that toxic situation for another eight years.
Now, my daughters have quit school and had kids while still very young. Their future feels shattered, and I can’t shake the feeling that I destroyed their lives. It feels like they were once delicate birds that I let fly away with broken wings. And now, I can’t forgive myself.
Though I finally left for good, our relationship now feels distant. I suffer daily, and I don’t believe this pain will ever fade. What can I do? — DYING INSIDE IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR DYING: Healing starts with you. A good first step is to connect with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org. They provide resources and counseling for those who have suffered abuse.
Your daughters may need help too, but they must realize it. If they’re open to it, the same hotline can guide them to the support they need.
DEAR ABBY: Our niece has been dating a man she met online for over four years. However, he refuses to meet her family. In fact, no one except one exception has met him. He’s missed family events, including weddings and holidays, while she’s met his family and stays in touch with them online.
My wife and I have extended invitations, but they always turn us down. I’ve talked to others in the family, and some say, “it’s her life.” I get that, but if family matters, shouldn’t we meet him? — IGNORED UNCLE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR UNCLE: It does seem strange. Given your concerns, consider having an open conversation with your niece. Is there something she fears sharing? Cultural differences, age gaps, or even issues like incarceration could explain his absence. You won’t know unless you ask.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Research shows that overcoming abusive relationships can significantly improve mental health. According to a study by the National Institutes of Health, survivors report increased well-being when they seek help and support. This journey may be difficult but can lead to better emotional health for both you and your family. Talking openly about issues can also bridge gaps and improve relationships.
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