DEAR ABBY: I’m a 59-year-old divorced woman living with my boyfriend, who’s 54. We’ve shared a home for seven months, and he bought the place. Since then, I’ve paid all the bills—mortgage, internet, utilities, and groceries. We even have four cats and five dogs together. I feel like I’m the only one supporting us, and that wasn’t the plan.
He quit his job to pursue a commercial driver’s license, but after a month, he struggled to find a decent-paying job because of past issues on his driving record. When he finally landed a position, a drug test showed he had used marijuana. He claims he smokes to deal with childhood PTSD. His employer said he could return after getting treatment, but he started using again right after. Until he’s clean, he can’t work. Plus, he has a $1,000 truck payment that he’s falling behind on and might lose his vehicle. I can’t let him use my car recklessly.
Honestly, I feel trapped. What should I do? — COULD KICK MYSELF IN ILLINOIS
DEAR COULD KICK: It’s important to realize you can’t fix someone else. You’ve already invested a lot, but the situation doesn’t seem to be improving. Think of your contributions as lessons learned. If he can’t support himself and is unwilling to change, it might be time to move on.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years won’t give me a key to his apartment. It feels like he’s holding back on making a full commitment. I’m tired of waiting and want to break up. He begs me to stay, saying he needs more time. But I’m not sure I see the point.
He often points to his previous marriage as the reason he struggles to trust. We’ve faced issues of infidelity in the past, and honestly, I see no reason to stay anymore. We’re both in our 40s. Should I give him more time or end it here? — OVERDUE IN WASHINGTON, DC
DEAR OVERDUE: Five years is quite a long time for a relationship that hasn’t progressed. Trust issues can be tough, but he needs to take responsibility for resolving them. If you’re looking for a serious commitment, it may be time to move on.
Relationships can be challenging, especially when one partner is not fully invested. According to recent surveys, a significant number of people feel uncertain about their long-term partners, often leading to heartbreak and frustration. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and happiness is key.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can reach Dear Abby through her website or mail.
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