DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is staying with us. She and my husband are very close and share a lot in common. They love chatting, hugging, and are generally very affectionate. I often feel left out, like a third wheel. To cope, I read or spend time in other rooms.
Things are mostly fine, except for their bedtime ritual. They hug and kiss on the lips, which really bothers me. I mentioned my feelings to my husband, but he shrugged it off, saying, “It’s my mom.” My background is different; I never hugged or kissed my dad. Honestly, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by her presence. Is this kind of kissing normal? — PUT OFF IN OREGON
DEAR PUT OFF: Whether this kissing feels appropriate to me doesn’t really matter. It’s likely a habit they formed long ago. It’s important to know that your feelings matter too. If you’re feeling sidelined, it’s a sign that something needs to change. I suggest having a heartfelt conversation with your husband about how you feel and finding a compromise that works for both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be very close to my godchildren. They saw me as a second mom and regularly kept in touch. Recently, things have shifted. The oldest has stopped reaching out. The youngest, once warm and loving, is now distant too. She mentioned being busy but rarely initiates contact anymore. I feel lost. My godson is still close to me, but I’m worried about the others. What should I do? — SAD GODMOTHER IN FLORIDA
DEAR GODMOTHER: It’s easy to take their distance personally. Remember, they are now adults with their own lives, responsibilities, and families. Your godson and younger goddaughter have explained that they are busy. Their silence doesn’t mean they love you any less. Instead of worrying, try focusing on your own hobbies, spending time with friends, or volunteering. Channel your energy into activities that bring you joy. This approach might also provide you with fascinating stories or experiences to share when you reconnect with them.
Social trends show many people experience similar feelings as loved ones grow busier with adult life. Research indicates that staying connected can be challenging as priorities shift. It’s essential to adapt and find new ways to connect—like sending a thoughtful message or arranging a casual meetup when time permits.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can reach Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.
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