Navigating Grief: Is It Appropriate to Use AI for Sympathy Texts?

This spring, Nik Vassev, a 32-year-old tech entrepreneur, learned that his high school friend’s mother had passed away. Wanting to write a heartfelt note, he turned to Claude AI, an artificial intelligence chatbot. “As guys, sometimes it’s tough to express emotions,” he said. With Claude’s help, he crafted a supportive message, which opened up a dialogue about grief between him and his friend. However, Vassev chose not to reveal that AI assisted him, fearing others might devalue his message.

AI is becoming a common tool in personal communications, helping people with everything from text messages to heartfelt birthday cards. While it can provide a quick solution, the growing reliance on AI raises questions about authenticity in our messages. A person anonymously shared that they used AI to write their mother’s birthday card, noting her emotional response and how it’s now a treasured keepsake. But they felt they could never admit AI’s involvement.

However, this dependence on AI isn’t without issues. Studies show that knowing a note was AI-generated can dampen feelings of satisfaction in friendships. A 2023 study found participants who received “thoughtful” notes attributed to AI felt uncertain about their relationships. Conversations online reveal mixed feelings, with some users expressing dismay if their partner used AI to draft wedding vows.

Experts weigh in on the topic. Dr. Vanessa Urch Druskat, an organizational psychologist, emphasizes that personal communications should feel genuine. She cautions that using AI might suggest a lack of sincerity, as people crave authentic interactions. Meanwhile, Sara Jane Ho, an etiquette expert, argues that using tools like AI to refine messages can show thoughtfulness, highlighting that seeking assistance to convey care is not inherently wrong.

Interestingly, modern relationships can sometimes prioritize efficiency over emotional connection. People often view life as a series of tasks, aiming for smooth execution instead of meaningful engagement. Yet, the emotional work that goes into relationships—navigating misunderstandings and imperfections—is what builds true intimacy. A sociologist, Josh Lora, notes that many now prefer a “frictionless” experience, using tools like AI for everyday tasks, which might lead to missing out on deeper connections.

In one poignant account, Summer, a university tutor, felt betrayed when she sensed her best friend Natasha was relying on AI for their personal chats. The change impacted their friendship, making Summer feel more like a hurdle in Natasha’s dialogue with AI rather than a valued friend. This change pushed them apart, emphasizing how technology can alter our connections.

The philosopher Dr. Mathieu Corteel warns against excessive AI use, suggesting that while the tech offers convenience, it can alienate us from our own feelings and judgments. When we let AI handle our emotions, we risk losing the nuances of human connection—the struggle and joy of heartfelt communication.

While AI can assist in bridging cultural and language gaps, the essence of our relationships lies in authentic communication. As we navigate this new digital landscape, we must balance the efficiency that technology offers with the richness of genuine human interaction. Ultimately, it’s the effort we put into our connections that truly defines their value.

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