Can you really reshape your personality? Can someone become more disciplined, friendly, or happier? Olga Khazan, a writer for The Atlantic, took on this challenge after facing an existential crisis. In her book, Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change, she shares her year-long journey of self-transformation.
Khazan tries various new experiences to push herself out of her comfort zone. She takes improv classes, considers motherhood, and explores what her values truly are. This journey isn’t just an adventure; it’s a meaningful exploration of her identity and beliefs.
A pivotal part of her approach is rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which emphasizes that difficult feelings like anxiety and sadness can highlight what’s important to us. ACT encourages individuals to embrace these feelings and align their actions with their core values, even when it’s intimidating. As Steven Hayes, the founder of ACT, puts it: "Accept your negative feelings, commit to your values, and take action toward the life you want."
Research shows that identifying and living by your values can positively affect mental health. A study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that people who actively engage in value-driven activities report higher levels of life satisfaction. This makes sense; living in tune with your values provides motivation and meaning.
However, many struggle to pinpoint their values. Hayes suggests looking through the lenses of "sweet," "sad," "heroes," and "stories." Reflect on your happiest moments, your most painful experiences, people you admire, and how you want to be remembered. This process can lead you to discover what truly matters to you.
For example, in social situations, I started asking myself, “What would my friend Kathy do?” Kathy is someone who easily makes connections, and thinking of her helps me break out of my shell. It’s a simple reminder to align my actions with my desire to be more socially active.
Ultimately, identifying and committing to your values can empower you to change your personality. Values serve as a guide, helping you navigate life’s challenges and push through discomfort. By focusing on what’s important to you, personality changes can feel more significant and rewarding.
As we grapple with anxiety and uncertainty in today’s fast-paced world, turning inward and understanding our values becomes essential. It offers not just a pathway to change but also a way to find deeper fulfillment in our everyday lives.
For more insights on this topic, you can explore Steven Hayes’s book, A Liberated Mind, which delves into the principles of ACT and how they can foster healing and growth.
This examination of values and personality transformation is not just theoretical; it’s applicable and vital as we navigate our complexities in both personal and social contexts. The journey of self-discovery is challenging yet enriching, and it all starts with understanding what truly matters to you.
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