My phone buzzed three times last Sunday morning. It was an old friend from Melbourne. I wanted to chat, but chaos surrounded me. My daughter was throwing a tantrum about socks, the rice cooker was on, and I was trying to make coffee. Eventually, I let it ring out.
Instead, I texted him, “Mate, can’t talk right now. Everything okay?”
This moment felt ordinary, but it struck me as significant. I realized I often prefer texting over talking. It’s not that I don’t want to connect. It’s just that live conversations can feel like a performance I often stumble through.
In a phone call, I might choose the wrong word or make a joke that falls flat. I often replay conversations, wondering what I should have said. The French even have a term for this: esprit de l’escalier—the clever comeback that comes to mind too late.
People who prefer texting may not be avoiding conversation; they’re simply trying to dodge the awkwardness that can arise in real-time chats.
A 2021 study by the Pew Research Center found that 81% of teens prefer texting to voice calls. They find it more comfortable and less stressful. Communication expert Joseph Walther’s hyperpersonal model explains this. Texting allows us to think, edit, and choose our words carefully. This can foster a sense of intimacy, even when it seems less personal.
For instance, if someone asks how a sick parent is doing, texting allows for a measured response: “He’s not doing well. It’s been tough.” This isn’t avoiding the truth; it’s sharing it more accurately.
What many miss is that people who prefer texting know how their minds work under pressure. In phone calls, nerves can cause misunderstandings. We might say we’re fine when we’re not or agree to plans we don’t want. Texting simply levels the playing field, letting us present a version of ourselves we feel comfortable with.
In Buddhism, the idea of Right Speech encourages true, kind, and timely communication. Texting often helps us meet these standards because we can take the time to consider our words. In my book about Buddhism, I discuss how much spiritual practice is about creating a pause between impulse and action. Texting provides that essential gap.
However, there’s a fine line. If texting becomes the only way to communicate, it can lead to isolation. A balanced approach is essential. It’s okay to seek clarity through writing, but avoiding voice calls entirely can lead to a disconnected existence.
We often think that saying something spontaneous is more genuine. But sometimes, the unedited version is just a clumsy draft. True authenticity can come from thoughtful communication, whether it’s a text or a phone call.
In a world of constant digital chatter, let’s remember that choosing our words carefully can lead to more meaningful connections. Sometimes, a polite text can say just as much, if not more, than an impulsive phone call.
