DEAR ABBY: My brother just found love again. His first wife passed away from cancer two years ago, and he’s getting married in two months. We’ve never been really close but have always managed to be civil during holidays.
Our mother, who’s 89, lives in an apartment he built at his home. She connects us. But my brother has a quick temper and isn’t very kind to me. I worry that once Mom is gone, he might cut me out of his life completely.
After sharing my concerns in an email, he replied with harsh words. He doesn’t like my expressions or mannerisms, claiming they come off as fake. He even suggested I should watch a video of myself to see how I appear to others. I felt shattered and ill after reading his message.
Now, I’m embarrassed. I don’t want to attend his wedding, especially around people who think poorly of me. Am I right to skip it? Should I go for my mother’s sake? — STUNNED AND EMBARRASSED
DEAR STUNNED: Your brother’s response shows deeper issues. His hurtful words aren’t just about you; they hint at his own struggles. Sibling rivalry or unresolved feelings from the past might be at play. Regardless, your choice to skip the wedding is justified. His opinions don’t define you or your worth. I hope you stay connected with other family members who see you for who you truly are.
DEAR ABBY: My mom visits every evening at 7:30. I have to wake up early for work, and I’ve dropped hints about my schedule, but she doesn’t catch on. It’s causing stress in my marriage. My partner finds it unreasonable, especially since I have two kids who need rides from practice. Help! — AT WITS’ END
DEAR WITS’ END: Since talking hasn’t worked, involve your partner in the conversation with your mother. Together, set a clear visiting schedule—maybe just two evenings a week. When her time’s up, kindly escort her to the door. She might be filling her time with visits because she doesn’t have other activities. Consider looking into local groups or activities for seniors. This could enrich her life while giving you more space at home.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can reach her at www.DearAbby.com.
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