As I wrapped up lunch with a friend last year, she asked about my plans for the day. I mentioned I was taking my niece and nephew to the National Museum of Singapore.
She looked surprised when I told her they were 18 and 22. “Wow! They still want to hang out with their aunty?” she exclaimed. I just smiled and said, “That’s because I’m a cool aunty.”
It turns out I’m part of a unique group known as PANKs—Professional Aunts, No Kids. This term was coined by Melanie Notkin in 2008. PANKs are typically well-educated women who, despite not having children, nurture and support their nieces and nephews.
Notkin’s work has shed light on this growing trend. Many women today are choosing careers and personal freedom over parenthood, yet they still want to play an active role in children’s lives. According to the Pew Research Center, in the U.S. alone, around 1 in 5 women are childless by choice. This shift highlights changing family dynamics and values.
I might not fit the “high-earning professional” label, but I have enough disposable income to spoil my niece and nephew. My husband and I faced challenges with fertility and chose not to have kids, but that hasn’t stopped me from forming special bonds with my relatives.
Many of my friends are PANKs too. One is happily married but prefers life without children. She loves having her niece over for sleepovers. Another friend, fiercely maternal, is a devoted godmother to a friend’s son.
When my niece and nephew were younger, taking them out helped their parents get some much-needed downtime. My brother and his wife encouraged our relationship, often driving the kids to spend time with me. Now, as adults, we make plans directly, and it’s heartening to see the amazing individuals they’ve become.
The PANK lifestyle offers joy and fulfillment. It’s about being present, making memories, and supporting the next generation. This dynamic has the potential to strengthen family ties while allowing women to embrace their independence.
For more insights on the evolving role of women in the family structure, check out recent studies from the Pew Research Center.
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Women's Voices, family,Relationships
