The aroma of garlic and oregano brings back memories of my childhood spent in my family’s souvlaki shop. I often found myself doing homework in the bustling kitchen, surrounded by the sounds of cooking and the chatter of staff. It was a mix of schoolwork and family business, where I translated invoices for my father and learned the ropes of running a restaurant before I even knew what I was doing.
I was not alone. Many immigrant kids share this experience of balancing school and being a family translator. We weren’t just studying; we were turning our parents’ sacrifices into school grades. Every A on the report card was a sign that our family’s hard work was paying off.
The Burden of Translation
Dr. Su Yeong Kim, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin, points out that children in immigrant families often carry more than just their schoolbooks. They take on roles that stretch beyond language, translating everything from medical forms to financial statements. This responsibility can create a significant emotional weight.
I still remember when I was eleven, trying to explain to my mother why a teacher wanted to meet with her. To her, it felt like an accusation rather than a simple check-in. In that moment, I had to bridge not just our languages but also our worlds.
High Expectations and Their Impact
Growing up in a Greek-Canadian family in Hamilton, Ontario, my parents had high demands. They worked hard and instilled the same drive in us. Though high expectations can motivate, they often come with immense pressure. Dr. Kim’s research emphasizes that while children thrive under challenging expectations, they also need emotional support to balance things out.
Many immigrant families express love through these expectations. When my parents pushed for better grades, it stemmed from their desire for me to have better opportunities than they did. Over time, this pressure shaped how I viewed success, often making me equate achievements with my self-worth.
The Bilingual Dilemma
People often celebrate bilingualism as a clear advantage for cognitive development. However, it can be complex. Dr. Kim suggests that bilingual kids have unique experiences that influence their development differently. While I could speak both Greek and English, I found myself often translating for my parents, while struggling to express my own emotions in either language.
Bilingualism brought a shared understanding but also a sense of confusion about my identity.
Patterns of Performance
As I ventured into adulthood, I defined myself by my family business. A divorce at 36 made me rethink my identity. I realized I was still that child in the kitchen, always trying to prove something, even when there was no one watching. Research highlights that many immigrant children show resilience and resourcefulness, but these traits can turn into burdens if they lead to anxiety or perfectionism later in life.
Reevaluating Our Stories
Dr. Kim cautions against labeling immigrant behaviors as fragile or abnormal. These patterns were coping mechanisms that served us well, even if they became exhausting over time. Studies indicate that immigrant children often face unique challenges, but these experiences also cultivate significant strengths.
Now, I volunteer to help immigrant families start small businesses, witnessing their children doing homework in the back. I see the same pressures, but I also notice a chance to honor both the struggles and the strengths that come from their experiences.
Final Thoughts
The child who did homework in that souvlaki shop learned resilience and adaptability. The goal isn’t to stop performing altogether but to choose when to engage with those old patterns consciously. It’s essential to differentiate between achievements that align with our desires and those that stem from ingrained expectations.
As we navigate this journey, we can learn to embrace both sides—our responsibilities and our right to just be ourselves. That balance is the real achievement.
For more insights on the psychological impact of being a child in immigrant families, you can check research articles from Psychology Today here.
