DEAR ABBY: My aunt has passed away, and I tried to support her daughter, my cousin, by texting her daily. When the doctor said my aunt was near the end, I decided to give the family space. Thirteen days later, I got a text with a photo of my aunt’s grave. It seems my cousin’s brother took control of the arrangements, leaving many of us in the dark about the details. I felt hurt since my family usually supports each other first.
I’ve read a lot about forgiveness and when it’s appropriate. I want to forgive, but it’s complicated with my cousin acting like everything is fine, even asking if I want her to stop reaching out. I said, “That’s up to you.” I wish I could find some closure. In the past, I would have easily forgiven and overlooked my feelings. Now, I’m unsure. Should I forgive, forget, or just move on? — BEWILDERED IN FLORIDA
DEAR BEWILDERED: The conflict isn’t with your cousin but with her brother. Don’t let this situation spoil your bond with her. Forgiveness can free you from lingering pain. Be straightforward; grief can cloud judgment, making people distracted and thoughtless.
DEAR ABBY: My 42-year-old son, Wade, battles anxiety and depression and doesn’t manage money well. He gets low disability payments, and my husband and I often give him money for food. Wade blames the system for his troubles. He thinks he can make it in music, but I’m getting worn out. How can I help him become independent? He says our family is “broken” and not a team. But I have my own bills to consider. — OVER HIM IN TEXAS
DEAR OVER HIM: If Wade thinks “teamwork” means relying on you for money, he might need a reality check. Most successful musicians start young, and if he has talent, he would likely be progressing by now. Encourage him to seek ways to earn additional income instead of relying on you. It’s time for him to learn financial independence. Your family isn’t broken; the only thing that needs fixing is his approach to life.
Understanding finances and emotional health can be tricky. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 19% of adults experience anxiety or depression each year. Many individuals struggle with independence while managing mental health challenges. Encouraging open conversations and setting firm boundaries can help adults like Wade build self-sufficiency. Using resources, like motivational counselors or local job programs, may guide him toward better options too.
Remember, it’s essential to balance support with tough love. This way, you honor your responsibilities while helping him take the steps he needs to thrive.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, known as Jeanne Phillips, and was started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more insights and guidance, visit Dear Abby.
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